Free At Last...

On this, another commemoration of one of the voices of the Civil Rights era, I sit in reflection.  I think of how far we've come and how far we have yet to go.  I question those who think we've achieved the dream simply because Barack Obama sits in the White House.  Last I checked, that wasn't Dr. King's dream.

The very essence of his dream rested on a platform of color-blindness -- a means of seeing an individual, not a race, nationality or creed.  Our President is not the shining example of America being color-blind because to speak of him, especially in the Black community, is to wear a symbolic badge of pride as if we came together as a country and chose the right person for the job.

I'm shaking my head and thinking about my own dreams.  My dream is also deeply rooted in the American dream as well as intertwined also with Dr. King's.  I'll share it with you.

In my dream, we'll be able to turn on our televisions and choose from several programs about us that aren't comedies with great sound and visual quality.  In my dream, we'll be able to flip through our magazine and see images that reflect our true selves as well as families and houses with yards and children and pets.

In my dream, we'll be able to browse for books at our local bookstore and find they are integrated with the Classics.  In my dream, our children will apply for passports alongside registering to vote at 18 and will use both accessories as windows to the world that awaits them.

In my dream, we will take responsibility for our actions, our children, our households and stop begging for a piece of legislature to give us what we are due.  In my dream, we will set examples for our young people to follow so that we aren't telling them what's good for them but leading the way.

In my dream we will be the ones to set the example of color-blindness and truly love our neighbors.  In my dream, we will not only sing the words of that old Negro spiritual, Free at Last, but we will be doing what we're really free to do.

One Year Ago Today...

I've been clean for a year.  Yep!  No Fibroids!  What?  You didn't know?  Well, let me tell you what a difference a year makes.

I'm not sure how much you know about fibroids but it's a condition, not a disease, that affects 3 out of 4 women -- many of them Blacks.  It's not always easy to tell since the symptoms vary.  I, thankfully, had no pain but I suffered from inconsistent periods that were sometimes extremely lengthy as well.  I know, way too much for TV!  Anyway, after finding out what the problem was and finding ways to deal with it -- mainly birth control -- it only got worse as I grew older.

So in late 2008, my doctor suggested three procedures.  Be clear on this: nothing cures fibroids.  There are treatments to work around them, shrink them and/or remove them.  That said, I was offered uterine artery embolization (Google it), myomectomy (where they cut you across your abdomen and remove the fibroids with a chance that they will return) and hysterectomy.  I chose hysterectomy.

Gasp! Really?  Yes, really.  It was a medical decision that worked best for me based on where I am in my life and how I plan to live the rest of it.  Not to mention that the other procedures don't guarantee that there will be NO reappearance of fibroids.  The procedure was laproscopic, I had the best surgeon in the world (GW rocks!) and again, I'm celebrating a great year!

Why am I sharing all of this information?  You know I'm not the personal-info-sharing kinda girl, BUT...
I've learned a lot in this year.  I lost my job, gained a certificate (Paralegal), traveled a bit, made some new friends and purged some old ones, re-connected with some folks and celebrated and mourned with others.  I've got a great family network and have learned to lean on others (yeah, hard lesson there).  This has been a year of re-dedication and self-reflection and I'm a better ME because of it.  Maybe by sharing, someone else can be uplifted or will know that better days are coming.  Maybe someone will now understand while I smile and keep it moving -- no worries, no grudges.  Maybe, and this may sound selfish but just maybe, I just wanted to put it out there.

I'm living my life ON purpose!

It's a New Dawn, it's a New Day, it's a New Life ...

Once again, I’m facing the dawn of a new year with thoughts of the old one and ideas of how to do better in the new.  I’m thinking about those I lived through another year without – how I miss their voices, conversations, celebrations of all things Me and Mine for 2010.  I’m thinking about those who passed on this year and how to heal as time goes on.  I’m thinking of the tragedies around the world and the sorrow and loss felt by people I’ve never met.  But most of all, I’m grateful – just to be on this precipice yet again. It’s a blessing and an honor.

I’ve had a good year overall.  I was in poor health in the beginning; I’m much better now.  I was terminated from a job; a career is now on the horizon.  I was loved and loved in return.  I’ve celebrated and traveled and savored.  My family circle has not been broken and my true friends are still by my side. Of course, I have complaints and could complain, but why.  My life is far from perfect, but I still have it.

I’ve done plenty of things wrong.  I’ve thought about others when I should have come first.  I’ve thought about myself when others should have come first.  I’ve given advice that I should have taken and taken some that I should have left alone.  I’ve made decisions that weren’t sound and taken chances – some for the better.  I’ve learned to listen more and gripe less; to be judgmental and opinionated.  Wait, I may have already had that down.  Scratch that.  I’ve learned that things don’t always go my way, and I’ll be ok if they don’t.  I have a life to make the best of and I plan to do that.

I look forward to offering myself to God, to family, to friends, to my community and to my country and finding my true purpose.  I know that I will shed old weight, figuratively and literally, as I soar to new heights and that it will be painful at first.  I know that everyone and everything can’t go where I go and do what I do.  With promise and anticipation, I look forward to becoming a better ME in 2011.

2011~Live ON Purpose~2011

Honoring the Value of Freedom

On a cold December morning, I double check my layers -  Long johns, thick socks, hat – then I check the essentials – phone, iPod, ID.  I haven’t been this bundled since Obama’s Inauguration.  But today’s cause is a bit more somber.  I’m heading to Arlington Cemetery to lay wreaths on the graves. It’s a volunteer project that is not widely publicized (wreathsacrossamerica.org).  Even though I rarely volunteer for outdoor projects in the winter, I feel compelled to make the best of it.

So I join thousands of other volunteers on METRO, funneling ourselves towards the exit gates at the Arlington Cemetery stop.  We walk into the cemetery in droves – men, women, children – some in wheelchairs, strollers and carry pouches.  I am in awe as I watch the crowd gather around one of many trucks that have been packed with wreaths.  There is warmth in numbers as we chatter about the weather, our duty to our fallen soldiers and where we may venture to plant the wreaths we receive.

I get a bit teary-eyed as I look around, seeing very few black faces in the sea of gravestones and people.  It’s disturbing to think that we have been just as affected by the war as everyone else, regardless of our politics on the issues.  Our families have been torn apart as well.  But I guess until P. Diddy, Tom Joyner, Michael Baisden or Al Sharpton becomes a spokesperson…well, I’ll leave that alone.  But I do find it odd that we have organizations, clubs, churches and community projects that we are involved in but we don’t show ourselves for matters of country – unless there will be press.  When will we teach our children the value of their freedom?

I receive my wreaths and begin my trek, thinking of the past wars and conflicts where we’ve lost fighters – spouses, brothers, mothers, aunts, cousins, sisters, fathers – and find my face wet with tears.  It’s not easy to control emotions in a military cemetery.  For that reason, I steer clear of Section 60, the area where many from Iraq and Afghanistan rest and where some ceremonies are being conducted, some families spending their first holiday without their loved one.  Instead I find an area that many have not yet visited and read some of the stones until I feel a twinge in my heart for a name or two. Maybe they remind me of people I know who served in our armed forces, maybe the engraved dates hold some importance or maybe the cold is getting to me.  I say a quick prayer for the families left to mourn, position my wreath as beautifully as possible and move on. 

Looking up, I can’t help but stand in awe at the beauty of the graves adorned with wreaths around me.  Hard to think of a cemetery as beautiful but I’m grateful to have the opportunity to think of it in that way.  Ultimately, I am honored to use my time to thank a veteran.  And next year, I’ll brave the cold to do it again.  Maybe I’ll send info to Essence and BET or just post it on my FaceBook page.  Either way, I hope to see you there.

Giving Thanks

It's that time of year again, and I have so much to be thankful for - people, things, etc.  But this year, I'm a bit more reflective.  I was asked at a seminar earlier this year "who am I" and I'm still trying to answer that.  It sort of sounds shameful that at 30-something I don't know who I am.  But that's not it.  I'm trying to find the right words to describe myself - what makes me who I am, not just likes and dislikes.

I've looked back at the things I've said and the things I've done.
How often do they match?
I've thought about those who matter most.
How do I show it?
I've thought activities I enjoy.
Have I been participating?

I want to enjoy my life, not just exist.  I want to be a help, not a hindrance; assist, not assess; involve, not isolate.  That said, I'm thankful that I can reflect, with sound mind and in good conscience, over the past year and say I'm glad that I am me.  I'm glad that I am loved and I'm glad that I am here.

All the Best to You and Yours

Elaboration on the Theme - Women's Day 10/17/2010

New Directions for the Seasons of our Lives

First giving honor to God, my Pastor and Saints of God.  I promise not to be before you long.  I just want to elaborate briefly on today’s theme -- New Directions for the Seasons of our Lives.

When first told the topic, I thought “ok, this is easy. I’ll find the key word, discuss that and I’m all done.”  I chose SEASONS which lead me to Ecclesiastes 3:1, a most obvious choice since it discusses any and everything that could possibly take place in our lives both naturally and spiritually.  I found that to be too typical so I moved on to LIVES.

Each of our lives is different – we face different challenges and now due to so many technological advances we don’t interact the same way.  But since the word used was LIVES, I took that to mean that we are collectively accountable.   In Luke 9:56 it reads For the Son of man is not come to destroy men’s LIVES but to save them. 

Next I chose DIRECTIONS which means the act or instance of giving an order or command.  Hmmm…puts me in mind of Proverbs 3:6 – In all thy ways acknowledge HIM and HE shall direct thy paths. I moved on to NEW, an adjective used to describe Directions.  It has synonyms like fresh, contemporary and distinct and is the total opposite of words like old-fashioned, out-dated and worn.   I read Psalm 149:1 which says Praise ye the Lord.  Sing unto the Lord a NEW song, and his praise in the congregation of saints.

I began to get a little frustrated as I realized that each word was a keyword with an emphasis all its own and that to take on any one of them would have me talking for quite some time.   Couldn’t do that.  So I put them all back together and pondered on the phrase itself.

We know that there is only one direction.   Maybe we need a new sweep of our paths to clear them of the clutter caused by our seasonal debris which may include heaps of hurts, piles of pain, masses of anger, shards of doubt, wads of worry, lumps of vanity, chunks of fear, stacks, loads, mounds, and bunches of stuff we call our lives.

We must confront homelessness, divorce, poor parenting, addiction, unemployment, mental incapacity, physical flaws, topics we won’t discuss and people we can’t face to find our way to Jesus and the new directions for the seasons of our lives.

Censorship

I am a writer. I always have been and I always will be. But I’ve never been able to truly say what’s on my mind. Why is that? Don’t I have poetic license? Aren’t writers the true historians of society? What’s holding me back? All of these questions motivated me to research and this is what I’ve found.

According to the First Amendment of the Constitution, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.” Hmmm…that means that I can say what I want, in truth, without any repercussions from our system of government. Hold on to that while I read from the Declaration of Independence. It states that I have “certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

These two documents allow me to say my piece, without harm done to me, as long as I don’t intrude on anyone else’s unalienable rights. How objective of our legislature! It seems the other factor is the Court of Public Opinion.

Everyone is online nowadays. And while I am still in the work force, I am subject to be researched regarding my online activities. Upon finding my name in Google, one may be directed to my blog and therefore disagree with some of my views. At one time I was careful about my topic choice and explanations of my views. I’m past that now. I can no longer be true to myself and my craft by stifling my passions.

Many have been criticized, ostracized and ousted for their statements via FaceBook, Twitter and other sites. Is this what our society has become -- some thin-skinned ghostly remnant of what our forefathers conceived? Are we incapable of being open-minded and truly enjoying the opinions of others without causing some loss of income, posture or other unfortunate circumstance? I’d like to think that there are many who agree with me but dare not use their voice. I’m not noble enough to be their proxy. I’m sure there are those who disagree with me and will tell me so in “no uncertain terms.” I’m not humble enough to assuage them.

Many of us make our decisions based on our own set of values and frames of reference, as well we should. But often we forget that everyone doesn’t value the same thing and/or doesn’t have the same references. That being said, if I miss out on a job opportunity or ruffle some church-folk feathers or even miss an invitation or two, I have to stay true to myself.

This is simply a conjecture -- I will use poetic license to tell the truth, as I see it. No holds barred; no excuses. I will use my First Amendment right, while I still can, and I will do my best not to intrude upon anyone else’s life, liberty or their pursuits of happiness.

Until next time…