Sharing - The Worst (And Most Common) Etiquette Mistakes

I found this online and decided to share this with my readers.
Posted Mon, Mar 02, 2009, 10:53 am PST

I have added my comments (in parentheses and italics and color) and can add a few more to the list.
How about you?

1. Party Poopers When you receive an invitation to a dinner or party--whether by Evite, voicemail, or casual email--RESPOND. Yeah, that’s what that little “RSVP” thing means. Everyone knows it, yet it’s amazing how many don’t respond. Even for weddings! Planning a party or event requires a lot of work, so do the host a simple favor and let them know if you're coming or not.  (And more importantly, let them know if your plans changed.  You're not coming, no matter what the reason, should be shared.  You can keep the reason to yourself -- so much more understanding than lying.)


2. Nickel & Dimin’ How annoying is it when you go to dinner with four or more people, the check finally arrives, and one of your meal companions begins to divvy up the check down to the last penny? Sure, we get that Sally had a shrimp salad, and Janet had two iced teas, while Beth only had water, and you ordered a slice of peach pie (a la mode, which is extra). The point is, if you go out to dinner with a group, be prepared to split the bill more or less evenly. If there's an outstanding cost differential, fine, estimate it and be done with it. The person who spends twenty minutes dividing the bill to the dime comes off as a cheapskate –- and kills the festive mood. (I agree to an extent.  You know you were drinking like a lush at $8-10 per drink and I had a regular entree.  We WILL NOT divide what amounts to your bar tab between the two of us.  Think again.  However, if the tab has .48 on the end, I'm willing to round up.  Also, factor in the tip.  Yep, just do it.)


3. The Line-Up Lines are a fact of life. At the post office, the supermarket, just about everywhere these days. For starters, moaners who huff and gripe about standing in a line of three people for all of five minutes are tops on our list. Get over yourself -- if you don’t have a few minutes to wait to buy that loaf of bread, then pick it up another time. Another thing: Don’t show your impatience by creeping up so close to the person in front of you that they can feel your breath. Crowding those around you will not get you to the front any faster, so give them some space. Finally, cutting in line or trying to ignore the fact that there IS a line –- stop it! Everyone’s time is valuable. 


4. The ME Show It’s great to hear all the crazy, wacky, wonderful things happening in the lives of others. Jobs, engagements, breakups, boyfriends, puppies, pregnancies, vacations — very good stuff, all of it. But once you've listened to a friend, family member, or colleague spout about their own fabulous life for an hour (or two), it’s normal to expect them to ask, “So, what’s going on with you?” Those who blab on about themselves while you listen intently, then don’t ask a thing about you in return are just plain rude. (Especially when they hit you with the "I'm gonna call you right back" line.)


5. Baby Biz Changing a poopy baby diaper around others is nasty -- and we're moms. Changing the other kind of baby diaper in public is one thing, but still should only be done when absolutely necessary!  (Before you start in defensively on this one, think about this...why do they act the way they do as they get older - because you've shown them it's ok.  Yep.)


6. Mobile Madness As much as we love the modern age, there are days when we long to go to a coffee shop, movie theatre, bookstore, or post office and not hear some teen queen dishing to her friend about last night's hot date with Todd or eavesdrop (unwillingly) on a screaming family feud. Mobile phones are essential, but please, people, pleeeeeeease, use a little restraint on the when's, what's, and where's. We're happy that Todd is "totally built" but we're going to have to start walking around town and slapping people with "TMI" tickets (yes, too much information).  (*waving my church fan* -- throw in music too...everyone doesn't want to listen to whatever you're streaming; kinda why they make earphones.)


7. Smokes Everyone has a right to smoke in public, but be conscious of whose face your smoke is blowing into. Are there kids nearby? And we just might kick the butt of the next person we see throwing their burning butt on the ground without putting it out. Really, find an ashtray or trashcan where you can extinguish and dispose of it properly -- that thing is garbage, not decoration for our streets and sidewalks.


8. The Pee & Flee Public bathrooms get used by everyone -- yup, they're public! So, making a mess of the toilet seat, and then prancing out without bothering to wipe it up -- not cool. Leaving a mess for the next visitor is completely unacceptable (and disgustingly unsanitary, of course). Take 10 seconds to rip off a piece of toilet paper, toilet seat cover, or a paper towel, and do your due diligence! (And just who is the woman who poops and leaves it.  Sure many bathrooms now have the auto flush gadget but seriously why not wait and make sure you don't leave a surprise for the next guest. Just unladylike.  I wonder if you're the same woman who never washes her hands before leaving.  Never going to her house for tea.)


9. Stealing...a parking spot, that is. Yeah, you know who you are. If someone has their blinker on and is patiently waiting for a spot, it's theirs. And if you've already passed a spot up, it's gone. Treat others as you expect to be treated, and the parking goddesses will smile down upon you... eventually.  (I don't steal them and I don't wait for them either.  So I refrain from commenting on this one.)


10. Belly Baring Men, women -- anyone who's passed puberty, everyone who isn't lounging poolside or oceanside -- resist the urge to bare those bellies. They may be beautiful, Buddha-like, jolly, but sometimes they can be flabby, hairy, and not ripe for public consumption. If you're jogging, fellas, t-shirts or tanks won't hurt your workout, so throw one on. Gals, midriff fashions are never really on our "Do" list, and that goes double if your age doesn't contain the word "teen." There are plenty of ways for all of us to flaunt what we got without sharing our tum-tums with the world.  (Hairy navels with belly rings are the reasons to bleach my eyeballs.)


11. Spitting This gets especially yucky when it's one of those enormous globs that looks like it could be alive. Some people (males, in particular) think it's kind of a cool-guy thing to do. We're here to tell ya that no one wants to see you hock a big gooey one out of your car, onto the sidewalk, or anywhere else for that matter. Try a tissue. (*two thumbs up*)


12. Honking Problem People who honk too often, too unnecessarily, or just to express their emotions are on our list of Most Etiquette Challenged. If you're trying to warn someone about a collision or problem, fine, otherwise it's not that serious. Give it a rest! (*applause*)

What's So Important?

In the past year, give or take a few months, I've relocated to another country -- oh, I'm still in the US, sorry -- job hunted, job found, part time job hunted and found, online chatted with potential dates, made new co-worker friends and started a new list of goals.  I've also begun volunteering to stomp out literacy in the richest country in the world and found a new church and even church groups.  I've learned that being homesick and lonely and alone during the holidays is more palpable than I've ever imagined.  I've learned that I can pray, no like really pray, for other people.  And I've learned that my sister and I have quite a few things in common.

Self-reflection occurred during much of this time and while prioritizing all the things I needed or wanted to do -- learn my way around the city, find interesting and entertaining yet inexpensive things to do in my spare time, find a sweet way to answer the constant inquisition about a husband and kids, decorate our place - I often wondered what I was doing with my life.  I mean, seriously, the whole meaning of life - is there anything more than the everyday mundane hellos and goodbyes, the births and the deaths and the bills and taxes in between?  Am I supposed to be someone, to do something, to go somewhere?  I ran the gamut from education to businesses.  Is this the time to add letters behind my name or simply a business card?  What is most important?

I filled up journal after journal with my experiences and feelings and hopes and dreams until I realized what I'd known all along.  Writing.  It's my first love.  It's how I get my angry's out.  It's how I share my happy's too. I've known all along what was most important and now it's time to simply do it.  So, time out for trying to fit it all in and then write.  Life happens and I write about it.  it's just that important.

<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/13435549/?claim=eazkp33jxvg">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>

Enough is Enough

Rape threats in response to video

I read this article and the premise is disgusting.  I'll admit I haven't watched the video.  No need.  A Facebook friend posted it and several women ripped a man apart for sharing his opinion -- an opinion that I agree with.

He felt that a man speaking to and/or flirting with a woman is harmless but some of the words and actions were uncalled for. With that sentiment, I agree.  Many women on the post did not.  They felt that it's harassing to be constantly disturbed when walking down the street.  He responded that it's human nature to be bothered by things, that in no way changes them nor makes others wrong for doing them.  With this sentiment, I also agree.  The women did not.  They dismissed him saying that of course he wouldn't understand, he's not a woman.  I had/have a problem with this. I chose not to chime in on Facebook but I'm going to let loose here.  Your comments are welcome.

I have dealt with "flirting" in public.  Some of the catcalls are over the top and the "smile pretty girl" gets so old.  I mean seriously, I may have something on my mind.  But I realize that it's par for the course.  It's a part of life.  It doesn't make it more meaningful because some dude feels he can make my day by saying something asinine but I don't hold it against the entire male species and I don't feel my very pride has been assaulted.  But we all have different perceptions.

I'm totally fine with those women disagreeing with his point of view, be it from personal or perceived experiences.  What I'm not ok with, and this is not just in reference to this topic, is the dismissal of his opinion because of {insert difference here}.  I'm so sick and so tired of people thinking you "don't understand" said situation simply because you "don't have kids," "haven't lost a sibling," "aren't mixed race," or whatever.  It's lame.  Instead of lashing out because someone has a different perspective, maybe we should accept the support of that friend.  It just seems like a better idea to me.

And another thing...
We're constantly griping about men who don't/won't/can't step up and make their intentions known.  I, for one, shake my head every time I hear a dude say he doesn't make a move until he knows for sure the woman is interested in him.  Sounds lame to my ears but since we've degraded our men so much, I guess this is what we have to expect.  We are also the same ones who gripe about not having a man to speak up and/or stand up for us when something goes wrong.

Back to the video,..
As a result of the posting of the video, rape threats were posted in the comments.  First, there is no privacy on the internet.  This move was just not smart.  Second, now the small amount of attention the video had received (5m viewers) has spiraled out of control so you can bet authorities will be involved soon.  I don't think this means a law against speaking to women in public places should be passed; that's ludicrous.  However, men should be respectful enough to know when they've crossed the line.  Hint: posting a rape threat online is definitely crossing the line.

I'm not friends with the gentleman discussed here, but I may just extend a friend request.  Let me watch the video first and get an idea for an intro.  Just kidding.

The Big Picture

"You must not lose faith in humanity.  Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty."  -Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

In the above statement, let's exchange "humanity" for the words listed below:

1. public school system/teachers/coaches 
2. priests/preachers/religion
3. politicians
4. kids nowadays
5. law enforcement

I'm sure you can see the trend.  We can substitute lots of words and gain insight and perspective on some of the hot button topics that get us enraged.  Is this fair, necessary, realistic?  I've always been a believer in the good and bad that exists within each of us.  No one is 100% good and no one is 100% bad.  Well, maybe except Rhoda from The Bad Seed.  The rest of us seem to have a tendency to dance between the extremes.  We may make some bad decisions and may intentionally harm others and we may also go out of our way to be kind to someone all in the course of a day.  This doesn't point to a chemical imbalance or some other textbook diagnosis.  Rather it denotes our true nature and ability to be flexible and adaptable.

In light of this, we cannot assume that all teachers will love our children unconditionally nor will they all prey upon their innocence.  Neither can we assume that all police officers are going to protect us and support our causes nor that all are predators seeking our young.   All youths are not apathetic and dangerous as some actually are forward thinking and caretakers.  It's easy to think of things this way when we aren't incensed by media blasts.  Now, if all these cantankerous elderly folks would stop holding up traffic, I can post this blog at the next stop sign.

Stupid Question - Why Are You Single?

We were all taught that the only stupid question is the one that goes unasked.  This is a lie.  My apologies to the moms and teachers everywhere, but some questions really should not be asked.  I have an entire list of them. But let’s take this slowly – one post at a time.

Today’s Stupid Question is…

Why are you single?

There are several ways to answer stupid questions.  I've patented a few of the following responses.

The Dumb Look and Other Facial Cues

Responding to stupid questions with blank stares, raised eyebrows, shaking of the head or the deep sigh usually makes the asker think about what was said.  Unfortunately, today’s society doesn’t believe their questions to be stupid, so they press for an answer.  As a result, you may need to step up the response.

Stupid Answer

Sometimes responding in-kind can move you past this conversational faux pas.
Responding with "because I’m not taken/in a relationship/married", etc. may prove beneficial in this way.  Pairing this type of statement with a dumb look or other facial cue should garner a chuckle and lead to other topics of discussion.  More often than not, it is followed up with “I can’t believe you’re single.”  This is such a sad comment because it leaves no where for the conversation to go.  How do I help you with your disbelief?  That's rhetorical, but ask just to see what happens.

Scientific Answer

I love this one the best because I am sarcastic (in case you didn't know) and it takes a certain type of man to catch on or to enjoy and continue communicating after a response of this sort.  I like those kinda guys (hint).  Here's a sample:

To be single means that I’m only one (not one of several), unmarried or un-involved in a stable sexual relationship.  I could be involved in an unstable, nonsexual relationship (platonic) or one of several in a sexual relationship (FWB) which would most likely still render me single.  I choose to think of myself as an individual person, not a part of a pair.  But your question was why which leads me to think more deeply about my personal situation in terms of this definition and how to apply it appropriately.  To that end, I am single because I choose not to deal with philandering, financial squandering, and verbal abuse.  I've decided to take some time to get to know myself and the things that I enjoy; I wish to get past the pains I've had before adding the joys and pains of another person, for now.

Keep it Light

Using some of the above responses will often end with name-calling – i.e. angry, bitter, etc.  Ironic how you're viewed as the one with the problem when it was actually the stupid question that started it all huh?  Yet, to keep from having to deal with this pain, you can keep it light.  A simple “I’m waiting for you” or “the right person hasn't come along” can keep the conversation moving but it could also trigger other insecurities in the person who asked.  Take your chances dealing with that.

The non-answer is always an answer.  Have you spoken with someone who simply continued with the conversation as if a question had never been asked?  That’s the non-answer.  I’m not good at that one though.  Not to mention, that today’s society feels that every question asked demands an answer and will quote “Ask and ye shall receive.”  But that is another blog.  There are more stupid questions so stay tuned.

Internet Bullying

By now, we've come to terms with the fact that all sorts of things happen on Social Media that defy the laws of what used to be normal communication.  We say things to get attention, we call people negative when they disagree with us, and we post cloaked messages to and about people who aren't even on our list of friends.  Incredulous!
By far, the most disturbing are the threats.  You've seen them:

Share if you support (insert cause here)

Keep scrolling if you don't care.

Then there are the status messages that suggest you never read your friends' status updates and if you do you'll re-post it as your own.  Can't forget the event or cause of the moment - post a pic of mom for Mother's Day or a ribbon for (insert cause) and on and on.  It's pack mentality, to the point where you're almost an outcast for not participating.
The most outrageous of the threats is the "I'll defriend you."  Let's break this one down from my point of view.

1. Friends
   My friends don't make silly threats like this.  The people I call my friends know me well enough to know that I'd try them for saying something similar.  It's ridiculous to threaten adults on the world wide playground.  Take your ball and go home.
2. Taking Offense
   Something is offensive to all of us.  Whether it's a cause or a person or the story of the week, we rally for and against something on a daily basis.  We won't agree on everything - that's not natural.  So get over yourself and I'll do the same.
3. It's the INTERNET
   Losing sleep over a post is abnormal.  She made a comment contrary to mine and we had a virtual debate (yes, argument) about it.  Doesn't mean I love her any less.  He posted a picture making light of an event.  It's either funny or it's not.  It's not a commentary of how we feel about one another.
4. Unresolved Issues
   The reason that something bothers us, to the point where we'd place unrealistic demands on the actions of others, likely means we haven't dealt with and moved on from that issue.  Any mention of it brings back the emotions from that time period (feel free to admit this in total privacy during the wee hours of the morning).  We sometimes lash out at others because we're stuck in that space and we take their poking fun or contrary viewpoints as personal affronts.  (Therapists: please chime in here.)
5. Know Your Friends
   Everyone is not your friend. Adjectives like "true" and "real" are over-used and maddeningly needless if we use the denotation of words and not the new cultural connotation.  So I'll restate it -- everyone is NOT your friend.  Friends know where you live and visit you and go on vacation with you and visit you in the hospital -- without the aid of the website.  They know when a relationship status changes and call to find out how you're feeling, instead of waiting for a post.  They don't need to FOLLOW because they are THERE.  They know that our support for, and of, one another is what bonds us and no post can change that.

I don't know how to stop bullying, especially on the internet.  To be honest, it doesn't bother me.  I laugh at it and keep scrolling.  So, I don't have any great advice or a 5 step method to stop internet bullying.  But I know that a bully can't bully alone.  It takes a victim for it to work.  For all I know, I may BE the bully of the internet.  Shame on me if I am and shame on you if you allow it.