Happy New Year to You

Since I now make resolutions and set goals on my birthday (the beginning of my new year), I've decided to make apologies when the years change.  So, I’ll attempt brevity.

I apologize for:

• keeping my word.
• not being the bigger person. (I don’t plan to grow up; why fake it?)
• not encouraging you to be the bigger person.
• not including you – it’s never an intentional omission.
• not caring. (I do; I just don’t always show it.)
• sharing my opinion. (I’m learning to keep it to myself unless requested.)
• being honest with you.  (I knew you couldn't handle the truth, but you did ask for it.)
• not re-posting your status messages. (kinda the reason I have my own page is to post my own thoughts.)
• moving on.  (Grudges seem to hold me back, so I let stuff go.)

I wish you and yours a happy, healthy, safe and prosperous New Year!

The Help

I read the book last week and saw the movie yesterday and here is a review of both.

The Book
The Help, written by Kathryn Stockett, was published in 2009 and tells about the conditions and every day life of maids in Jackson, Mississippi during the early 60's.  Three main characters tell the story of  a white woman trying to understand what it's like to be a colored maid.  There are so many touching moments ingrained in the story as well as historic events that hold it together. It's at times a comedy and a tear-jerker.

The Movie
I promise not to spoil it for you.
My movie experience began with the audience which consisted of elderly white couples. Maybe it was senior discount day or something.  I liked how the movie was true to the book, for the most part.  It was good to see the words on screen and to hear the sniffles of the audience when pictures from Life Magazine punctuated the death of Medgar Evers.  That was a WOW moment for me.  The ending had folks stuck to their chairs, still sniffling, and I walked out with a smile on my face and my head held high. Nice.

My Commentary
In a word, riveting.  But I've gone too far already.  Let me begin again.  My favorite line in the book and the movie is when the white female narrator says to the black maids -- and I'm paraphrasing --  "this is your story, not mine."  I think it's important to note that while this may be a white woman telling a story about black maids in the south, she was not trying to make up something or take anything away from it.  I think that we, as a society, should respect that when it comes to this project.

Inasmuch as the script was based on the book, there were several discrepancies that I thought were odd.  Cicely Tyson -- yes, Miss Jane Pittman was in the movie.  Who's idea was that?  I didn't get the impression from the book that her character was quite so...old.  It didn't go over well for me.  Also, there was no mention of Stuart's political family affiliations.  Interesting deletion.  Celia's cooking being edible -- that was a laugh out loud change.  Was it to save face somehow or give the story more of a Hollywood ending than the real-life ending that the book gave?  What about the Miss Myrna column and the real writer? Another interesting change.

But my main gripe is about the change of Constantine's daughter from a mixed race very light skinned girl (book version) to a dark skinned girl (movie version).   That was a questionable change given the times.  It resonates deeply within me the idea that we may not be ready to visually accept the realities of mixing races in our entertainment media -- though we've obviously accepted them in our everyday lives (think Obama).

I hear there is talk of an Oscar nod for Viola Davis and while I support her acting and think this was a great role, I disagree -- not that the Academy ever remembers to request my opinion.  In this film, with the exception of Octavia Spencer (Minny), she wasn't surrounded by actors of a quality that supported great acting.  (It was good seeing Sissy Spacek!) Think of a single red rose in a meadow filled with pansies -- it doesn't need to do anything to stand out and the pansies really want to be a rose.  Truth be told, this film was filled with bad acting and even some bad directing - but the story line may pull it through (think Hurt Locker).

Overall, I left the movie theater thinking about myself.  Yes, I was smiling and I had my head up and I thought "I don't have to be a maid anymore, thanks to those women."  I, being underemployed, would quickly accept that job today -- just to be frank.  But it also made me think about my talents, many of which I'm giving away for free, and focus on my life and my purpose.  $8 is a small price to pay for an ego boost.  I'm grateful.

Blog #6 - My Situation is Different

Everyone everywhere is dealing with something right now.  But I'm a true believer that there is nothing new under the sun.  There may be things we haven't heard of anyone going through -- for several reasons including secrecy -- and things we haven't encountered yet and even situations that we may be able to avoid with proper planning and preparation.  We've all experienced birth and death, we've confronted homelessness and unemployment, we've suffered illness and family/marital problems.  It is our charge, as friends and family members, to support one another.  But each situation is different.

I get tired of hearing this statement simply because it seems to be some sort of defense mechanism.  It's almost as if folks don't wish to be consoled in their time of need -- as if what you're going through is something that no one else has ever dealt with in quite the same way with the same circumstances yada, yada, yada.  Sometimes that really doesn't matter.  So what if you're the only one who's had a home foreclosed on your first-born's first day of school before you had to take your mother in law to the hospital for surgery and get to work late only to see a pink slip on your desk. The best part about your situation is knowing you have friends and family surrounding you, praying for you, helping you, listening to you and basically pooling all necessary resources to help you do what you need to do to turn things around.  It does no good to continue to say things like "this is different."

So, what do you do when you want to be empathetic and considerate?  I have no idea.  I'm in this situation and it's different.

Blog #5 - Good Ideas Gone Bad

Sometimes, in our constantly automating world, we think of new ideas that sound great and may even work but we don't think about the practicality of them.  Let me give you some examples.

1. Self-serve drinks @ fast food restaurants
   Pros:  
   Mix flavors
   Less/More ice
   Cater to your special tastes
   Cons:
   Unattended/unruly children
   Unkempt patrons (homeless)
   Waste (ice and product)
   Uncleanliness (the area around the drink machine is usually dirty, wet and sticky -- not very inviting)
2. Rolling Luggage
   Pros:
   Not having to carry 49 lb bags (no one goes over 50 anymore right?)
   Ease of movement through terminals
   Cons:
   Tripping other pedestrians (stopping short; trailing behind)
   Poor driving skills (rolling over people, getting stuck in large openings, etc.)
3. Online Applications
   Pros:
   Saves trees
   Cons:
   Each company has a different app, requirements and even passwords
   No responses
   Quite impersonal
   Lengthy process
   If interview is garnered, they re-ask the questions
4. Self Check Out
   Pros:
   Usually shorter line
   Quick if you have  one/two items
   Cons:
   Always a glitch (produce, coupons, etc.)
   Not always user friendly
   Volume too loud
   Repeats commands even after you've followed them

These are just a few.  I’m sure you have some to add, don’t you?

Blog #4 - What A Disgrace!

This is my Father's Day post.  Yes, it's late and let me tell you why.  I had my fingers all poised to type something inspiring in celebration of fathers, then I began seeing comments that left me in a state of disbelief.  I can't understand how a day of celebration was transformed into a time of bashing and deprecation.  It hurt and I'm still reeling from the effects.

I can understand and empathize with women who have been wronged by men, but this wasn't the proper time to address that.  While maybe their fathers, brothers, and children's fathers may not have proven ideal and proper over the years, there had to be some positive male influence in their lives at some point -- especially if they are the strong black women they purport themselves to be.  Blank stare.

Father's Day is a day of celebration and reflection.  I have wonderful memories, childhood and adulthood, that include laughing with my father.  I consider myself blessed but I know I'm not the only one.  I've enjoyed several strong male role models over the years -- uncles, brothers, cousins, pastors, community leaders, teachers, mechanics, attorneys, entrepreneurs, bus drivers, friends, etc. -- and someone out there has too.  It's easy to find fault but more mature to overlook it.

I could go on and on but why.  So, while I can no longer remember what I was going to share about my dad and I on Father's Day, I'll share this picture that I took two years ago.  I don't know this man or the child and I honestly don't even remember where I was when I took the picture. But I recall thinking, "I hope that child remembers this feeling for life."  And when it comes to my relationship with my dad, I do.

Blog #3 - Do Thugs Grow Old?

This may seem like a rhetorical question to some and may seem abrasive to others.  But I've been wondering now for awhile -- do thugs really grow old?  I mean, I have images of Flava Flav at 80 straining to hold up a clock that no longer ticks on a neck riddled with wrinkles sharing a toothless grin as he wheezes "Yeah Boyyyy!" to a crowd of equally aged folks waving canes and shaking walkers or popping wheelies in their Hover-Rounds. Ok, maybe I took that way too far.

I guess I've reached a point in my life where I'm so in-tuned with family and professional (translation - career) growth that it's hard to fathom any one else being complacent in these areas.  Those who have "arrived" are constantly striving for more, so it's logical to think that we're all striving as much as possible.  That said, it's hard to see a man upwards of 40 dressed in "thug gear," speaking improperly waiting for "whatever" to happen.

Now before you begin to get your Politically Correct Panties bunched up, read on.  Sure, we all have down time.  I'm sure the VP of the bank has to mow his lawn, the attorney goes to Dave and Buster's with his kids, the accountant fixes his mom's TV, the mailman helps his dad  in the basement and sometimes the working man just wants to chill with men his age (I think they call it bonding LOL).  There are tons of reasons to take off the shirt and tie.  There are even reasons to take off the polo and loafers and even the Dockers.  But these are not the men I'm talking about.

I'm talking about the men who get up at 1pm and put on their Michael Jackson RIP T shirt that's 3 sizes too big, shorts that hang to their ankles and Tims just to stroll outside on the porch and talk to their boys.  I'm talking about men who say they are going on job interviews with furry braids and dirty nails, a back pack filled with CDs and repeatedly saying "know what I mean youngsta."

If you're getting a bit upset at what I'm saying, stop and think.  It could be for one of the following reasons.  If so, there are certain actions you can take to make yourself feel better.
1. This description fits you.  Option A - accept yourself and adopt a drive to do better.  Option B - be yourself.
2. This description shows I'm biased.  Option A - recognize that this is my blog and enjoy my opinions.  Option B - Close the window and read something else.
3. This shouldn't be said.  Option A - Are you kidding?  How are we to overcome if we don't discuss our outcome?  What was the point of slavery eradication and civil rights and ... well, what's the point of anything if we're going to continue wallowing in stupidity?  So get over yourself, close the window and read something else.   Option B - See Option A.

In a society where laid back is overwhelming mood and come as you are is acceptable, many have forgotten that your appearance affects your attitude which affects your altitude.  So, what do we do next?  In a phrase, grow up.  Time to let go of the "look" that's ok in the hood.  Time to hang up the lingo and lead by example.  That means fathering your children, working and reading and giving back in your community.  I know, that sounds like a lot to lazy thugs. But what's the alternative? A 75 year old with a furry Kangol and a dooky rope with gold fronts on the two teeth he has left and a four finger ring on his arthritic hand rolling down the street in a chromed out wheelchair with spinners and an iPod with speakers on his lap yelling "you kids don't know nothing 'bout this here!"
I can't handle it.

Blog #2 - Too Far Removed...

Why is it that we think we can sit around and discuss the actions of others as if our lives are visions of perfection?

Sure, a minister has had sex with boys, a celebrity has a love child, another politician has sent out pictures on the internet.  Ok, so?  Are they NOT human?  Have we never done anything that we are not so proud of or was it so long ago that we've been absolved by those around us and can feel justified in pointing fingers at others who fall?  What happened to loving our fellow man?
This, in my mind, is the epitome of judging; throwing stones when your house is not only made of glass but also built on shaky ground.

Q:  Should Weiner resign?
A:  For what?  At what point did he show that he was no longer competent enough to perform his job duties?  At what point did he abuse funds/time to participate in his private acts?  Is he a perv -- sure.  But that doesn't mean that whoever elected him is not getting what they wanted.

Q:  Should he be reprimanded?
A:  Definitely. It was an immoral act for someone in his office. I do believe it's ok to hold certain people to a bit of a higher standard but to get twisted out of shape when they show that they are as normal as you and I is going just a bit too far.  If you worked at McDonald's and this happened to you, would you lose 1st Fry position?  Think about it.  Should he have lied?  No, but he's a politician so was the truth ever really expected.

Do not misunderstand me, I don't deem his actions proper or necessary.  But I am not petitioning for his resignation nor joining the ethical/morality lynch mob.  This is the state of our society nowadays.  I'm sure we've all got some very real skeletons in our virtual closets.  A whole bunch of us surf the web and chat on FaceBook during work hours from work on work machines, etc.  And that's stealing from our jobs.  At night even, when the kids and spouses and families should have our undivided attention we're playing AngryBirds and Tweeting.  So maybe before sounding off about the rights and wrongs about a person, without all of the facts involved, we should listen, reason and empathize with them.  Who knows when our 15 minutes will come.