Giving Thanks

You all know that I get sentimental around the holidays; so here goes.
A few things that I'm thankful for:

• Life. The ability to look back over it -- the good and the bad -- with a sound mind.
• My family. Our circle is still intact. I have folks to be mad at, to argue with, to miss and reunite with, to wonder about, to call and email, to visit, to laugh with and about, to celebrate with, to love.
• Love. Someone to love who loves me as well, keeps me happy, makes me smile, cries with me, despite my faults.
• Braving this economic storm. Having plenty to eat and plenty to share at one another's home out of the cold.
• Gainful employment. With layoffs all around, I have somewhere to go and a means to get there and back, something to complain about, to be challenged with, to occupy my time between the weekends.
• The future. Those who exercised their constitutional right this November and rejoice that this country can see change.

In the past year, some have been ill, homeless, jobless and others have passed on.
I'm thankful that I can be thankful for so much.

Happy Thanksgiving

Yes We Can

So...
We have "change" entering the White House. We have an example of what IS possible. How does that effect the bottom line?

How many Black males will pay attention in school and graduate with top honors?

How many teens will attend college and graduate with honors?

How many will return to the polls and vote regularly?

How many young Black men will pull up their pants, treat 30 as the new 30, and begin to realize their full potential?

How many of us will rise out of our dead-end jobs and pursue our dreams and goals?

How many of us will stop living for riches and start building wealth?

How many of us will give back to our communities and enrich the lives of those who follow in our footsteps?

How many of us really mean "Yes We Can"?

One Moment in Time

On a crisp November morning, with the threat of rain looming high overhead, I stand in line outside of a school in SE Washington DC with hundreds of neighbors. We are ready to vote -- only, I can't remember seeing this many people four years ago. My mind began to wander as my phone buzzed incessantly with ridiculous text messages that either encouraged me to vote or implored me to be aware of corruption at the polls.

Isn't rain a symbol of cleansing and purifying; preparation for change? Could be some symbolism there.

I'm ecstatic that so many people have registered and are practicing their right to vote. I attempt here to use my right to free speech, with caution. Since I have yet to earn my living as a result of my words, I have to censor myself. Anyway, here goes.

Point #1 -- I don't care WHY you registered to vote. I don't care WHO you vote for. I only care THAT you vote. However, I consider it inappropriate to ask, "Did you vote?" In seems similar to asking if you said your prayers -- and we know that's inappropriate here in the politically correct USA.

Point #2 -- As a Black female, I realize this is a history-making moment and I'm overly thrilled to live it. However, I don't expect a Black prize in the mail. There have been so many connections drawn to the Black community that it belittles the Civil Rights movement -- you know, that we NOT be judged based on the color of our skin. Hmmm, wouldn't that make voting for Obama because he's Black...ok, I'll leave that alone.

Point #3 -- If the same number of people would have come out to vote 4 years ago, we may not have had another term of Bush.

All points aside, there was a moment, one moment after I had my ID checked and signed for my ballot. One moment, after I'd read my instructions and picked up my pencil. One moment after I read the names for the Presidential candidates. One moment, when I, exercised my right as an American to make my mark. At that moment, I've never felt more sure of myself.

Early Voting in DC

We are 15 short days from election day, and D.C. can be a little confusing, so I wanted to pass along the following information:

In person absentee early voting began today and runs through Nov. 3rd at 441 4th St., NW Ste. 250N.

DC Board of Elections and Ethics 441 4th Street, NW, Suite 250 NorthWashington, DC 20001 Tel: (202) 727-2525 TTY: (202) 639-8916 Toll free: 1-866-DC-VOTES

Otherwise, to locate your D.C. polling place, please visit the following website: http://www.dcboee. org/election_ info/pollplaces/

FYI- Early Voting in VA

Please call in your area for specifics!

If you are a registered voter in Virginia, you can actually vote now as opposed to waiting until November 4th. This is called absentee voting in person. You go to the designated place to cast your vote on the regular voting machines. You don’t have to apply in advance or wait for a mail ballot.

In 2006, there was a bad storm on Election Day. Hundreds of Northern Virginians got caught in traffic and couldn't get to the polls in time. You vote on the regular machines and your vote is counted along with all the other votes. As you know, Virginia is a swing state this election so every vote is important.


Please share this information with others in Virginia because this is not well publicized. A list of key facts is below as well as designations for absentee voting in person.

KEY FACTS ABOUT ABSENTEE VOTING

Absentee ballots (including votes cast ahead of time at an "in-person absentee" location) are counted on Election Day in Virginia, like all the other votes. In Virginia, all votes are counted that day. Your absentee vote counts just as much as any other vote.

In-person absentee voting has already begun in Virginia.

If you qualify to vote absentee, and you are ready to vote, we encourage you to do so now. By voting ahead of time, you will reduce the lines on Election Day for everyone.

You need a reason to vote absentee. But the list of reasons has expanded in recent years. For example, if you work outside of your own jurisdiction, you may qualify to vote absentee. Or, if you will be working and commuting for 11 hours during the time the polls are open, you may vote absentee. There are also other reasons you can vote absentee.

There are two ways to vote absentee:

1) You can apply for an absentee mail-in ballot, fill it out, and mail or fax it in.

· If you need to mail in an absentee ballot, please send it in as early as possible. Ballots must be postmarked by October 28 at 5 pm, but only those ballots actually received before 7 pm on Election Day, November 4, will be counted. If you have decided who to vote for, send in your ballot now.

· Note: If you have not voted before, this may not be an option; unless you are out of the area for college or in the military, you must vote at an in-person absentee location (available now), or at your polling site on Election Day.

2) Or, you can vote ahead of time on a voting machine. This is called "in-person absentee" voting. No mail-in ballot is involved. Only one trip is required. You can apply to vote absentee and cast your vote during the same visit. More details:

· Fairfax County residents can vote "in-person absentee" from Monday through Saturday at the Fairfax County Government Center, 12000 Government Center Parkway, Suite 323, Fairfax, VA 22035. See the back of this handout for specific times. Note that offices are closed October 13 for Columbus Day.

· Starting October 15, residents can also vote "in-person absentee" from Monday through Saturday at seven other locations throughout the county.
· In-person absentee voting ends Saturday, November 1.
For more information, contact the Fairfax County Office of Elections at 703-222-0776 or go to www.fairfaxcounty.gov/eb/homepage.htm.

You can also reach the Virginia State Board of Elections at (804) 864-8901 or (800) 552-9745, or go to www.sbe.virginia.gov.
2008 in-person absentee voting: locations, dates, and times

Fairfax County (does not include Fairfax City): www.fairfaxcounty.gov/eb/homepage.htm
At the Fairfax County Governmental Center, 12000 Government Center Parkway, Suite 323, Fairfax, VA 22035:
· Monday through Friday, 8 am to 6 pm, through October 14. (Closed October 13.)
· Monday through Friday, 8 am to 8 pm, October 15 to October 31
· Saturdays, 9 am to 5 pm, through November 1
At seven additional satellite locations (listed below):
· Monday through Friday, 1 pm to 8 pm, October 15 to October 31
· Saturdays, 9 am to 5 pm, October 18, October 25, and November 1
Satellite locations:
· Mason Governmental Center: 6507 Columbia Pike, Annandale
· West Springfield Governmental Center: 6140 Rolling Road, Springfield
· McLean Governmental Center: 1437 Balls Hill Road, McLean
· Mount Vernon Governmental Center: 2511 Parkers Lane, Alexandria
· Franconia Governmental Center: 6121 Franconia Road, Alexandria
· Sully District Governmental Center: 4900 Stonecroft Blvd, Chantilly
· North County Governmental Center 12000 Bowman Towne Dr., Reston
Fairfax City: http://www.fairfaxva.gov/Registrar/GeneralRegistrar.asp
Sisson House (adjacent to City Hall), 10455 Armstrong Street. 703-385-7890
· Regular weekday hours. (Closed October 13.)
· Saturday, October 25, and Saturday, November 1, 8:30 am to 5 pm

Falls Church City (Must live within city limits) www.fallschurchva.gov/Content/Government/Voting/RegistrarVoters.aspx?cnlid=1189
City Hall, 300 Park Ave. Suite 101 Falls Church, 22046
· Monday through Friday, 8 am to 5 pm, October 6 to October 31. (Closed October 13.)
· Last two Saturdays (October 25 and November 1), 9 am to 5 pm
Arlington County:
www.arlingtonva.us/Departments/VoterRegistration/VoterRegistrationAbsenteeVoting.aspx2100 Clarendon Blvd., 1st floor lobby, Cherry Conference Room #109
· Monday through Friday, 8 am to 5 pm through October 31. (Closed October 13.)
· Also open all Thursdays until 7 pm, and Tuesday, October 21 and October 28, until 7 pm
· Saturdays, 8:30 am to 5 pm through November 1

City of Alexandria: http://alexandriava.gov/elections/
132 North Royal Street, Alexandria
· Monday through Friday, 8 am to 5 pm through October 31. (Closed October 13.)
· Also open until 7:30 pm on October 16, 20, 22, and 27
· Saturdays, 8:30 am to 5 pm through November 1
Prince William County: www.pwcgov.org/default.aspx?topic=040084
Three locations:
· PWC Elections Office, 9250 Lee Avenue, Suite 1, Manassas
· DMV (Woodbridge), 2731 Caton Hill Road, Woodbridge
· Haymarket Museum, 15025 Washington St., Haymarket, VA (extended hours only)
Regular hours (Manassas and Woodbridge only):
· Monday through Friday, 8:30 am to 5 pm through October 31. (Closed October 13.)
Extended hours (all three locations):
· Saturdays: 9 am to 2 pm, October 11 and 18; 9 am to 5 pm October 25, November 1
· Thursdays: 5 pm to 7 pm through October 30.
· Last two Tuesdays: 5 pm to 7 pm, October 21 and 28.

Dates and times for other counties are on their websites.

The Art of Communication

I'm thoroughly convinced that our society, as a whole, no longer knows how to communicate. Is it that difficult to have a conversation with a complete stranger? I never thought so, even though I was taught not to talk to strangers. Believe me, it took some time to overcome that programming. But I'm not going to just bemoan the system, I'm going to do my share and try and fix it by giving advice. Here goes.

• Don't begin with questions.
  You can start a conversation with "Hi, I'm DJ." Most people will return the information.
• Don't ask about work.
  This is unnecessary if we aren't at a work event. If I'm here to socialize, i.e. happy hour, talking about work may bring down my mood.
• Don't seek background information.
  "Where are you from? What's your screen name? What other meet-ups are you in? These are horrible questions.
• Start with something specific.
  After your intro -- Hi, my name is... -- feel free to follow up with "I wanted to speak with you because..." Everyone likes a compliment. Maybe her shoes got your attention, maybe the button he wears is intriguing or maybe even the fact that they seem to be having a good conversation and you'd like to giggle a bit too. Sharing that intimate information about yourself and attaching it to that person in a complimentary way is the ultimate ice breaker. We can get to the other stuff later.
• Do share information.
  The reason you choose to attend this event, why you are in this area of town, what activities you like off-line are all non-invasive ways of asking a person about him or her self. Most people will share theirs when you're done speaking.

A good rule of thumb is the more information you give, the more information will be returned in kind. If you're truly interested (which is more than curious) about a person's profession, simply begin talking about yours. They will follow suit if you don't dominate the conversation. Remember: you're not interrogating; you're sharing.

Try these tips the next time you're around folks you don't know -- even if you don't know them. Because it really is OK to talk to strangers; what better way is there to make a new friend.

Incredulous

Our society seems so quick to believe everything we hear/read -- even over the internet. How did we arrive at this state? Below is a "Strawberry Letter" supposedly sent to the Steve Harvey radio show. While I do believe we all need good, sound advice from time to time, I'm not sure that Steve Harvey is qualified to give it. Of course, for entertainment purposes, it works. I received this via email and am not certain of its validity. But please read the attached letter before I continue.
____________________________________________________________________
STRAWBERRY LETTER FOR TODAY
9/2008
Subject: My Prince Charming Turned Out to Be a Devil with Horns
I am a 39 year old single mother of two girls 9 and 14. I am educated, beautiful and successful and have a good job . I met my prince charming online, went on few dates. In my life I have had mishaps when it comes to men. This guy was handsome, well educated and he is every woman dream. I was so excited to finally meet somebody like him, after meeting a couple of free loaders. He was my dream come true. My excitement about my prince charming ended when I landed in his bed of hell.
My first concern was his unwillingness to use protection, and I insisted that since we don't know each other that long, that was the safest thing to do. I asked him about his status and he said he was clean, he has no diseases and he was going to show me, his status. I was concerned when I realized that he had secretly removed the protection during the encounter, and he told me that he does not like using them. After this day, I called and told him that I needed to see his hiv status and he said. Yea I will send it to you. As I was waiting impatiently I noticed that he was a bit different. I called him and told him strongly but politely that I needed to know his status. That was the last day I ever heard from him. He stopped calling me; he never answered my calls nor returns them. I called him at work and he told me not to bother him anymore, I must leave him alone. 6 months later I tested positive for hiv.
What do I do? Do I sue him? Do I let him do this to other women? Should I sit and accept it as my fate. I am devastated. I look at my girls and cry because I have betrayed them; I put myself in a compromising situation. What do I tell them? Steve I know I failed to follow your rule of thumb, but still I need your advice.
Thnx, Devastated and betrayed

Ivan has women all spread out across the U.S. Especially in the area that he lives and travel too often. Ivan is from Plainfield , NJ . He has women in NY, NJ, DE, VA, FL, PA, NA, MD, Washington DC, Texas, CA and Canada . I am sure there are more. Ivan is also in the AF Reserves, stationed at Dover branch, which he talks about on an on going basis. This is how he gets to travel so often, for a broke man. Ivan is quiet and laid back, never refuses food, and takes, takes, and takes; Never offering to replenish anything. He doesn't have a home to speak of; lives out of his car going from woman to woman. Once he even carried on a relationship with sisters. Something he says he's not proud of; Yeah Right! If you are looking for a leech, a liar, and a good HIV/AIDS candidate, Ivan is your man. Let's be clear, I am posting to put the facts out there. So that woman can make an educated decision and keep their eyes open and be safe.
____________________________________________________________________

I have quite a few issues with this letter, the least of which being the identity of its author. Attached to this email was picture of a man, supposedly the man discussed. I can't imagine airing his dirty laundry without airing her own. What about this author leads us to believe that she did not already have a positive test result? What is there to show that she is not promiscuous, that she cared about her daughters' well-being prior to meeting this man? What was it about this man that made him such a great catch via online communication? After all the mishaps she's had with men, what makes us think she's changed and can now obtain, cultivate and maintain a healthy relationship? How does a man secretly remove protection during the act of intercourse and where are you when this occurs? If his status was as important as it should have been (and seemed to have been after the fact) then wouldn't the paperwork have been demanded prior to any adult activities? And why did he really terminate all contact?

I am by no means excusing, condoning or otherwise accepting the alleged behavior of this young man. I'm only questioning the source by which we have received this information. We are quick to become insensed at the mere mention of trickery and deceit, and hardly have all the facts. There are always three sides to every story -- the two involved and the TRUTH. What is the truth, you ask? I have no earthly idea. But I have another version of this story. Care to hear it.

Strawberry Letter for Today
9/2008
Subject: No More Prince Charming
Hi Steve,
I am the 39-year-old single parent of two girls, 9 and 14, who is educated, beautiful, and successful with a good job. I met my prince charming online and went on few dates. In my life I have had mishaps when it comes to men but this guy was handsome, well educated and he is every woman dream. I was so excited to finally meet somebody like him. After meeting a couple of free loaders, he was my dream come true.
I poured everything into our relationship, hoping it would be different from all others and last forever.

We discussed his unwillingness to use protection and I thought it was acceptable since we were in a monogamous relationship, both said we were clean and waited a few months before engaging in any activity. I had limited unprotected encounters in the past -- always with men I trusted -- and I hadn't tested positive. So, we decided to go with it. After a few months of bliss, he seemed different. He no longer returned my calls. I'll admit that I left several unladylike voicemail messages due to the rejection I was receiving from this man. I got angry and I wanted an explanation.

I finally reached him one day at work and he told me in no uncertain terms to never contact him again. Shocked, stunned and emotionally unsatisfied, I fell into a few, short rebound relationships. After 6 months, I tested positive for HIV. Still hurting deep inside with an urgent need for revenge, I review my options. Do I sue him? Do I let him do this to other women? Should I sit and accept it as my fate? I am devastated as I look at my girls and cry because I have betrayed them by setting an awful example.

But I refuse to take the blame alone. Before seeking the help I need, I will lash out at this man -- spilling all of his business to anyone who will listen.
Here goes: Ivan, if that's his real name, has women all spread out across the U.S. From Plainfield , NJ , he often travels to NY, DE, VA, FL, PA, NA, MD, DC , TX , CA and Canada because he is in the AF Reserves, stationed at Dover branch, which he talks about on an on going basis. This is how he gets to travel so often, for a broke man. He is quiet and laid back, never refuses food, and takes, takes, and takes, never offering to replenish anything. He doesn't have a home to speak of and lives out of his car going from woman to woman. Once he even carried on a relationship with sisters -- something he says he's not proud of. If you are looking for a leech, a liar, and a good HIV/AIDS candidate, Ivan is your man. I am posting to put the facts out there, not because I'm bitter or scorned., so that women can make an educated decision and keep their eyes open and be safe.
Steve, please tell me what I should do?
Thnx, Devastated and betrayed

Goal #10

I've been checking off goals a little at a time and I'm glad to say that I'm rolling right along. My next goal is to write once a day for 30 days. So for the month of October, you can find me on http://www.nablopomo.com/profile/3nkksa1o8yk9d . Hope to see you there!

I’m Putting My Foot Down in the Fight Against AIDS!

DC AIDS Walk - October 4th!

Please show your support (you know I'm gonna be tired) via this website --> https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=257099&lis=0&kntae257099=821CBA88D242425AB709D28D37CC2A81

Thank you in advance and best regards!

101 in 1001

I was introduced to this concept recently and have decided to give it a go. So from September 15, 2008 through June 12, 2011, I'll be fulfilling 101 goals. Read all about it below.

Mission: Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.
Criteria: Tasks must be specific with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching.
Why 1001 Days: The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that’s realistic. 1001 days is approximately 2.75 years and allows time to plan to accomplish larger, more detailed goals.

My goals:
1. Begin on September 15th 2008
2. Journal about this experience on a weekly basis.
3. Create calendar of goals and review monthly.
4. Grow hair out (get trims but no cutting)
5. Complete unfinished craft projects
6. Complete ID course by November 15th 2008
7. Drink 32 oz. of water daily for 30 days
8. Read the dictionary
9. Keep daily positive thought memo book and add to it
10. Write once/day for 30 days
11. Exercise 3 days/week for 30 days
12. Be kind to one person per day
13. Read self help material and take notes
14. Save $25/week
15. Do not purchase movies or music for 6 months
16. Get a massage every 3 months
17. Get a facial every 3 months
18. Take a dance class
19. Compose business plan for DJ Designs ID
20. Compose business plan for DJ Designs Needlecrafts
21. Compose business plan for DJ Designs Business Assistance
22. Acquire and maintain 5 clients
23. Make 3 business contacts/month
24. Create business website for ID
25. Create business website for Needlecrafts
26. Update business website monthly
27. Create business materials (cards, brochures, etc.)
28. Shadow a black female entrepreneur
29. Build ID portfolio
30. Donate books to reading program
31. Donate work clothes to Welfare to Work
32. Crunches once/day for 30 days
33. Participate in NanoWriMo
34. Participate in NaBloPoMo 35. Join a charity
36. Volunteer with a charitable organization regularly
37. Complete Total Money Makeover baby step 1 by August 15, 2009
38. Complete Total Money Makeover baby step 2 by September 15th 2010
39. Pay tithes bi weekly
40. Re-read AM Manual
41. No soda for 60 days
42. Jumpstart Lady Bugs with inaugural event
43. Plan monthly Lady Bugs events
44. Start book club with monthly meetings whether in person or online
45. Read 1 of Modern Library’s Top 100 Novels per week (see list)
46. Watch AFI’s 100 top movies (see list)
47. 100 snapshots challenge (see list)
48. Read 1 of 100 essential Black books per week (see list)
49. Review every book read (see form)
50. Write one letter per week
51. Identify 10 things I like about myself
52. Identify 10 things that truly make me happy
53. Whiten my teeth
54. Interest someone else in 101 in 1001
55. Donate $5 for every incomplete goal to charity
56. Try 5 new recipes
57. Try 2 new restaurants per year
58. Travel to another state every 3 months
59. Visit another country every 6 months
60. Purchase a bike
61. Bike to/from metro during the week
62. Complete a word find puzzle book
63. Write 10 inspirational quotes on index cards and leave for people to find
64. Eat vegetarian for two weeks
65. Take a road trip
66. Floss every day for 30 days
67. Visit amusement/water park
68. Take bubble bath once/week
69. Pamper myself with weekly beauty treatment
70. Star gaze
71. Participate in charity walk
72. Help a child
73. No magazine subscriptions
74. Roller skate twice/month
75. Create a notebook for this project.
76. Pray for someone else each day
77. Get involved in one church activity.
78. Memorize 10 Bible verses per month.
79. Keep food diary for a month
80. Look at this list daily.
81. Join meet up groups to meet more people.
82. Donate clothes (non-work) to homeless shelter.
83. Build notary business
84. Research business plans and get samples
85. Attend monthly networking events.
86. Submit one write piece every three months
87. Delete excess emails once/month.
88. Check and attend to email twice/day.
89. Use Yahoo Calendar regularly.
90. Re-organize Yahoo briefcase.
91. Contact a different family member once/week.
92. Learn to speak a foreign language.
93. Spend one Christmas in New York.
94. Visit Las Vegas.
95. Learn about and try meditation.
96. Find and visit new websites weekly.
97. Go horseback riding.
98. Plant a tree
99. Get a henna tattoo.
100. Write a letter to myself to read at the end of my 101 in 1001.
101. Start new 101 List.

I hope you are as intrigued as I was and you decide to try it too.

Stay at Home Dads

I recently read an article about stay at home dads and how the numbers are increasing, especially in the Black community. It's commendable. Black men are taking the time to see that their children are nourished emotionally and spiritually. But they all mentioned the social stigma attached to a man being at home and it caused me to grimace.

Many of the men said they made the decision consciously with their wives. They also said that once the situation was explained to their father-in-laws, barbers, kids' teachers and buddies, it was acceptable. But why should they explain?

It's true that women are still stigmatized for staying home but men moreso. How do we begin to change our way of thinking and realize that what's best for the children is best for everyone?

As a society, we need to focus more attention on our youth. They are anti-social and self-centered. What kind of country will this be in 25 years. Will our President be a cross between Cartman and Bart Simpson? Will the heads of state conduct meetings via iPhone and never shake hands? Will common courtesy totally disappear?

I applaud stay at home dads. Their job is just as important as Moms, no matter who is working outside the home. Regardless of entrepreneurial tendencies, disabilities and other reasons you create to "save face", I applaud you.

Tax Time

It's that time again. Uncle Sam, our favorite uncle, wants us to pay inform him of the details of our income. Some people manage their income and receive their money all year and others wait for the big check. And there are folks in between like me.

• Waiting for my Tax Check
  Jenn's story:
  All year, I've had money deducted from my check and will receive a large, lump sum when I file my taxes. In the past I have bought a new stove, gone on trips or used it for down payment on a car. This year, I may pay off some credit card debt, get a new set of tires and go to the spa. I feel like my tax return is a sort of savings account. I know that I can manipulate the numbers and get more money during the year, but then I'd have to concentrate on saving for the things I want. This way works for me.
• Breaking Even
  Erica's story:
  I am a hoarder by nature and want to give away as little money as possible. I try to make sure that my numbers are correct so that I can keep as much money in my check while owing little or nothing to my uncle the following year. It has worked for me so far. I track my spending and saving habits as well as find other (legal) ways to make money. I can't imagine having to wait on a check from the government before I purchase a big ticket item. That is unacceptable.
• In Between
  Johnny's story:
  I've never gotten a large return anyway. After all, I'm single with no children or property. I only have my income and I get taxed like crazy. I do contribute to several charities and constantly give money to church, including my tithes. I've learned that money can be claimed but I feel that's hypocritical. I GAVE it -- why would I want it back? Besides, I assume that whatever is meant to be will be. If I was to have a large return check, then I would receive one.

We all have our reasons and our methods. But one thing is for sure -- April 15th always has us showing respect to the IRS! Best wishes to you in all you do.

Phoenix