Our society seems so quick to believe everything we hear/read -- even over the internet. How did we arrive at this state? Below is a "Strawberry Letter" supposedly sent to the Steve Harvey radio show. While I do believe we all need good, sound advice from time to time, I'm not sure that Steve Harvey is qualified to give it. Of course, for entertainment purposes, it works. I received this via email and am not certain of its validity. But please read the attached letter before I continue.
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STRAWBERRY LETTER FOR TODAY
9/2008
Subject: My Prince Charming Turned Out to Be a Devil with Horns
I am a 39 year old single mother of two girls 9 and 14. I am educated, beautiful and successful and have a good job . I met my prince charming online, went on few dates. In my life I have had mishaps when it comes to men. This guy was handsome, well educated and he is every woman dream. I was so excited to finally meet somebody like him, after meeting a couple of free loaders. He was my dream come true. My excitement about my prince charming ended when I landed in his bed of hell.
My first concern was his unwillingness to use protection, and I insisted that since we don't know each other that long, that was the safest thing to do. I asked him about his status and he said he was clean, he has no diseases and he was going to show me, his status. I was concerned when I realized that he had secretly removed the protection during the encounter, and he told me that he does not like using them. After this day, I called and told him that I needed to see his hiv status and he said. Yea I will send it to you. As I was waiting impatiently I noticed that he was a bit different. I called him and told him strongly but politely that I needed to know his status. That was the last day I ever heard from him. He stopped calling me; he never answered my calls nor returns them. I called him at work and he told me not to bother him anymore, I must leave him alone. 6 months later I tested positive for hiv.
What do I do? Do I sue him? Do I let him do this to other women? Should I sit and accept it as my fate. I am devastated. I look at my girls and cry because I have betrayed them; I put myself in a compromising situation. What do I tell them? Steve I know I failed to follow your rule of thumb, but still I need your advice.
Thnx, Devastated and betrayed
Ivan has women all spread out across the U.S. Especially in the area that he lives and travel too often. Ivan is from Plainfield , NJ . He has women in NY, NJ, DE, VA, FL, PA, NA, MD, Washington DC, Texas, CA and Canada . I am sure there are more. Ivan is also in the AF Reserves, stationed at Dover branch, which he talks about on an on going basis. This is how he gets to travel so often, for a broke man. Ivan is quiet and laid back, never refuses food, and takes, takes, and takes; Never offering to replenish anything. He doesn't have a home to speak of; lives out of his car going from woman to woman. Once he even carried on a relationship with sisters. Something he says he's not proud of; Yeah Right! If you are looking for a leech, a liar, and a good HIV/AIDS candidate, Ivan is your man. Let's be clear, I am posting to put the facts out there. So that woman can make an educated decision and keep their eyes open and be safe.
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I have quite a few issues with this letter, the least of which being the identity of its author. Attached to this email was picture of a man, supposedly the man discussed. I can't imagine airing his dirty laundry without airing her own. What about this author leads us to believe that she did not already have a positive test result? What is there to show that she is not promiscuous, that she cared about her daughters' well-being prior to meeting this man? What was it about this man that made him such a great catch via online communication? After all the mishaps she's had with men, what makes us think she's changed and can now obtain, cultivate and maintain a healthy relationship? How does a man secretly remove protection during the act of intercourse and where are you when this occurs? If his status was as important as it should have been (and seemed to have been after the fact) then wouldn't the paperwork have been demanded prior to any adult activities? And why did he really terminate all contact?
I am by no means excusing, condoning or otherwise accepting the alleged behavior of this young man. I'm only questioning the source by which we have received this information. We are quick to become insensed at the mere mention of trickery and deceit, and hardly have all the facts. There are always three sides to every story -- the two involved and the TRUTH. What is the truth, you ask? I have no earthly idea. But I have another version of this story. Care to hear it.
Strawberry Letter for Today
9/2008
Subject: No More Prince Charming
Hi Steve,
I am the 39-year-old single parent of two girls, 9 and 14, who is educated, beautiful, and successful with a good job. I met my prince charming online and went on few dates. In my life I have had mishaps when it comes to men but this guy was handsome, well educated and he is every woman dream. I was so excited to finally meet somebody like him. After meeting a couple of free loaders, he was my dream come true.
I poured everything into our relationship, hoping it would be different from all others and last forever.
We discussed his unwillingness to use protection and I thought it was acceptable since we were in a monogamous relationship, both said we were clean and waited a few months before engaging in any activity. I had limited unprotected encounters in the past -- always with men I trusted -- and I hadn't tested positive. So, we decided to go with it. After a few months of bliss, he seemed different. He no longer returned my calls. I'll admit that I left several unladylike voicemail messages due to the rejection I was receiving from this man. I got angry and I wanted an explanation.
I finally reached him one day at work and he told me in no uncertain terms to never contact him again. Shocked, stunned and emotionally unsatisfied, I fell into a few, short rebound relationships. After 6 months, I tested positive for HIV. Still hurting deep inside with an urgent need for revenge, I review my options. Do I sue him? Do I let him do this to other women? Should I sit and accept it as my fate? I am devastated as I look at my girls and cry because I have betrayed them by setting an awful example.
But I refuse to take the blame alone. Before seeking the help I need, I will lash out at this man -- spilling all of his business to anyone who will listen.
Here goes: Ivan, if that's his real name, has women all spread out across the U.S. From Plainfield , NJ , he often travels to NY, DE, VA, FL, PA, NA, MD, DC , TX , CA and Canada because he is in the AF Reserves, stationed at Dover branch, which he talks about on an on going basis. This is how he gets to travel so often, for a broke man. He is quiet and laid back, never refuses food, and takes, takes, and takes, never offering to replenish anything. He doesn't have a home to speak of and lives out of his car going from woman to woman. Once he even carried on a relationship with sisters -- something he says he's not proud of. If you are looking for a leech, a liar, and a good HIV/AIDS candidate, Ivan is your man. I am posting to put the facts out there, not because I'm bitter or scorned., so that women can make an educated decision and keep their eyes open and be safe.
Steve, please tell me what I should do?
Thnx, Devastated and betrayed
You should be ashamed to think that this can not happen to someone in 2008.
ReplyDeleteI would say that it takes two to tango and that she should realize that he took the condom off, but I will be the first to say as a women in the heat of the moment there is not a difference in the way it feels inside once the juices are flowing down there(with or without the condom).
My husband and I have done it both ways and a woman can only tell when it is dry!!!!!
What do you say about the women who are married to someone on the down low and they don't use protection, but the man still knows that he has it?!!!!
How insensitive can you be?
This happen to my Aunt who was with her boyfriend for four years and countless discussions before she had unprotected sex (she is now in her 50'S with HIV) This man did not want to tell her he had "he was afraid of loosing her", he said.
Yes she should have used protection, but you would like to think that after being with someone that you may marry after 4 years, you could trust them.
Not all women want revenge when a man doesn't want them, not all women are beat for love and no one has the right to take someone’s' future away even if they make a mistake.
God forbid, it should happen to a woman in your family.
I will keep you in my prayers.
I absolutely agree with LaSae. I'm shocked and hurt that you even took the time to not only think up these words but to put them out there. I can tell you for a fact that it is absolutely possible for a man to take off the condom and a woman not be aware. I met a man years back and at the time I didn't realize that he was trying to marry someome to stay in the country. He was very desperate to stay here, I wish I would have known this at the time. We started seeing each other and eventually slept together. I noticed that everytime we slept together he would put the condom on and then after a few minutes of sex he would put his hand down there, pull out, fiddle around and put it back in. I am not a niave woman and I always insist on protection. I can honestly say that I had absolutely no idea that he was doing this until about the 5th and LAST time I ever slept with him. He did his same usual routine and this time I caught on. I immediately said "why go through all the fuss of making it seem like your going to wear a condom if your just going to be sneaky and take it off"? He was busted, there was not much he could say. I was lucky to find out that the buring and irritation that I was feeling was only gonorrhea and not something worse. Still I felt betrayed and VERY angry. When I called him to tell him, there was no shock or surprise, he knew he had given it to me. He admitted that he was trying to get my pregnant so I would marry him. There is so many things wrong with that, the biggest of them being that he was doing this to a lot of different woman at once, so of course someone was bound to get sick. He could have at the very least gotten rid of the disease before running around and sticking his infected penis inside woman for his own selfish reasons. The point is, yes this woman was probably angry but she was also doing us a public service by warning us of this man. I have no reason not to believe her and I find it sad that you are wasting your energy on trying to uncredit this poor womans story. You should be ashamed.
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