Over the past two years, I’ve been wallowing in a dark place. Though there have been bright moments along the way – marriages, births, etc. – the majority of the time was marred by self-doubt and questions.  But after every storm comes the sunshine, and it’s so warm and soothing to know I made it through.  Not one to take the credit, I appreciate my support network made up of those who commiserated and encouraged, advised and suggested, re-designed and cajoled, motivated and enlightened and generally helped to keep my spirits up.

Now that things are beginning to fall into place, I’m focused on my writing.  Unfortunately, I can’t write from a place of negativity, of anger and self-loathing.  I am much more creative in the positive space of joy, the energy of hope, and the tide of dreams realized.  I can only hope that my support network will bask with me in the glow of ingenuity.  Are you ready?

Counting My Chickens

I've been taught not to count my chickens before they hatch. Hmm…let's see if I can do this without mixing adages.

I have a basket full of eggs that I'm carrying around. Wild ideas, odd jobs, fancy dreams…a quite lofty "to do" list of things that weigh on my heart and my mind. I want to create, assist and be successful. But I'm tired of eating eggs…I'm ready for some meat and poultry works fine. So I've counted the chickens and dropped the eggs and…well, I'm collecting eggs again.

See, I refuse to believe that I can't have the desires of my heart. Especially since I'm willing to work for them, taking nothing away from anyone else's success and accepting the help that comes my way. Yes, I believe that putting positive vibes in the atmosphere brings the same back to you – karma – as well as sweat equity helps you to appreciate the payoff. I put 100% into every endeavor…but I'm still dropping eggs.

So I take this moment to reflect. What could the problem be? What could be keeping my eggs from maturing? Ahhh…maybe it's the basket! Yes, it is. Too large a basket is causing me to carry more eggs than necessary. Smaller basket, fewer eggs, better focus. So, what am I really saying?

I have many interests and desires and need to streamline my ideas and focus better and hopefully have fewer setbacks. I like the chicken analogy better.

Until next time…

Now, I'm Angry...

I was more than willing to see posts about Trayvon Martin and not comment.  I viewed it as the big topic of the day/week until something new breaks -- thanks Jeremy Shockey.  But now, it's getting out of hand.  So, I am compelled to share my opinion.

• Many don't know the details of the situation.
  That child was killed by a white man for walking down the street all because he had on a hoodie.  That man should be brought to justice.  Do you know what happened and what has taken place since the shooting on February 26?
• Misspellings of the child's name are abundant.
  Even with the ease of the "share" button on FB and most news sites, it's amazing how we are so outraged that we lose focus on even the name of the person we're supporting.
• Many compare this campaign to the Kony campaign as if we need to choose which to support.
  Why is it either/or when it should be both both/and?  I'm free to support more than one cause at a time aren't I? 
• Unsolved murders in our neighborhoods go unnoticed.
  I'm in DC and here is the proof --> http://mpdc.dc.gov/mpdc/cwp/view,a,1243,q,541992,mpdcNav_GID,1533.asp 
• Comparisons to Emmit Till.
  Really?  If we know our history and really want to take it back ... well, that's another post.
• Bandwagon behavior.
  How incensed were we about the Jena 6 without all the details of that case? Tawana Brawley?

Before you point fingers at me for being insensitive and not bandying with others for the "cause," please understand that I never wish for hurt or harm to come to anyone, and further to go unpunished.  And yes, I agree that change comes when we demand it.  I am, in no way, keeping anyone from doing what they feel they must do. I'm simply urging you to #1 - get all the facts (and remember there is more than just one side to a story) and #2 - do something in your own area first.

Here is a timeline of events: http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2012/03/trayvon-martin-case-timeline-of-events/
One of the original stories: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/08/family-of-trayvon-martin-_n_1332756.html

Happy New Year to You

Since I now make resolutions and set goals on my birthday (the beginning of my new year), I've decided to make apologies when the years change.  So, I’ll attempt brevity.

I apologize for:

• keeping my word.
• not being the bigger person. (I don’t plan to grow up; why fake it?)
• not encouraging you to be the bigger person.
• not including you – it’s never an intentional omission.
• not caring. (I do; I just don’t always show it.)
• sharing my opinion. (I’m learning to keep it to myself unless requested.)
• being honest with you.  (I knew you couldn't handle the truth, but you did ask for it.)
• not re-posting your status messages. (kinda the reason I have my own page is to post my own thoughts.)
• moving on.  (Grudges seem to hold me back, so I let stuff go.)

I wish you and yours a happy, healthy, safe and prosperous New Year!

The Help

I read the book last week and saw the movie yesterday and here is a review of both.

The Book
The Help, written by Kathryn Stockett, was published in 2009 and tells about the conditions and every day life of maids in Jackson, Mississippi during the early 60's.  Three main characters tell the story of  a white woman trying to understand what it's like to be a colored maid.  There are so many touching moments ingrained in the story as well as historic events that hold it together. It's at times a comedy and a tear-jerker.

The Movie
I promise not to spoil it for you.
My movie experience began with the audience which consisted of elderly white couples. Maybe it was senior discount day or something.  I liked how the movie was true to the book, for the most part.  It was good to see the words on screen and to hear the sniffles of the audience when pictures from Life Magazine punctuated the death of Medgar Evers.  That was a WOW moment for me.  The ending had folks stuck to their chairs, still sniffling, and I walked out with a smile on my face and my head held high. Nice.

My Commentary
In a word, riveting.  But I've gone too far already.  Let me begin again.  My favorite line in the book and the movie is when the white female narrator says to the black maids -- and I'm paraphrasing --  "this is your story, not mine."  I think it's important to note that while this may be a white woman telling a story about black maids in the south, she was not trying to make up something or take anything away from it.  I think that we, as a society, should respect that when it comes to this project.

Inasmuch as the script was based on the book, there were several discrepancies that I thought were odd.  Cicely Tyson -- yes, Miss Jane Pittman was in the movie.  Who's idea was that?  I didn't get the impression from the book that her character was quite so...old.  It didn't go over well for me.  Also, there was no mention of Stuart's political family affiliations.  Interesting deletion.  Celia's cooking being edible -- that was a laugh out loud change.  Was it to save face somehow or give the story more of a Hollywood ending than the real-life ending that the book gave?  What about the Miss Myrna column and the real writer? Another interesting change.

But my main gripe is about the change of Constantine's daughter from a mixed race very light skinned girl (book version) to a dark skinned girl (movie version).   That was a questionable change given the times.  It resonates deeply within me the idea that we may not be ready to visually accept the realities of mixing races in our entertainment media -- though we've obviously accepted them in our everyday lives (think Obama).

I hear there is talk of an Oscar nod for Viola Davis and while I support her acting and think this was a great role, I disagree -- not that the Academy ever remembers to request my opinion.  In this film, with the exception of Octavia Spencer (Minny), she wasn't surrounded by actors of a quality that supported great acting.  (It was good seeing Sissy Spacek!) Think of a single red rose in a meadow filled with pansies -- it doesn't need to do anything to stand out and the pansies really want to be a rose.  Truth be told, this film was filled with bad acting and even some bad directing - but the story line may pull it through (think Hurt Locker).

Overall, I left the movie theater thinking about myself.  Yes, I was smiling and I had my head up and I thought "I don't have to be a maid anymore, thanks to those women."  I, being underemployed, would quickly accept that job today -- just to be frank.  But it also made me think about my talents, many of which I'm giving away for free, and focus on my life and my purpose.  $8 is a small price to pay for an ego boost.  I'm grateful.

Blog #6 - My Situation is Different

Everyone everywhere is dealing with something right now.  But I'm a true believer that there is nothing new under the sun.  There may be things we haven't heard of anyone going through -- for several reasons including secrecy -- and things we haven't encountered yet and even situations that we may be able to avoid with proper planning and preparation.  We've all experienced birth and death, we've confronted homelessness and unemployment, we've suffered illness and family/marital problems.  It is our charge, as friends and family members, to support one another.  But each situation is different.

I get tired of hearing this statement simply because it seems to be some sort of defense mechanism.  It's almost as if folks don't wish to be consoled in their time of need -- as if what you're going through is something that no one else has ever dealt with in quite the same way with the same circumstances yada, yada, yada.  Sometimes that really doesn't matter.  So what if you're the only one who's had a home foreclosed on your first-born's first day of school before you had to take your mother in law to the hospital for surgery and get to work late only to see a pink slip on your desk. The best part about your situation is knowing you have friends and family surrounding you, praying for you, helping you, listening to you and basically pooling all necessary resources to help you do what you need to do to turn things around.  It does no good to continue to say things like "this is different."

So, what do you do when you want to be empathetic and considerate?  I have no idea.  I'm in this situation and it's different.

Blog #5 - Good Ideas Gone Bad

Sometimes, in our constantly automating world, we think of new ideas that sound great and may even work but we don't think about the practicality of them.  Let me give you some examples.

1. Self-serve drinks @ fast food restaurants
   Pros:  
   Mix flavors
   Less/More ice
   Cater to your special tastes
   Cons:
   Unattended/unruly children
   Unkempt patrons (homeless)
   Waste (ice and product)
   Uncleanliness (the area around the drink machine is usually dirty, wet and sticky -- not very inviting)
2. Rolling Luggage
   Pros:
   Not having to carry 49 lb bags (no one goes over 50 anymore right?)
   Ease of movement through terminals
   Cons:
   Tripping other pedestrians (stopping short; trailing behind)
   Poor driving skills (rolling over people, getting stuck in large openings, etc.)
3. Online Applications
   Pros:
   Saves trees
   Cons:
   Each company has a different app, requirements and even passwords
   No responses
   Quite impersonal
   Lengthy process
   If interview is garnered, they re-ask the questions
4. Self Check Out
   Pros:
   Usually shorter line
   Quick if you have  one/two items
   Cons:
   Always a glitch (produce, coupons, etc.)
   Not always user friendly
   Volume too loud
   Repeats commands even after you've followed them

These are just a few.  I’m sure you have some to add, don’t you?