The 5-Minute Management Course

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.  The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.  Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'  After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.  The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.  When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.  She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.  The priest nearly had an accident.  After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.  The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized. 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.  On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.


Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.  They rub it and a Genie comes out.  The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.' 
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'  Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'  Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.  The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.


Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.  A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox  appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.


Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull.  'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.  The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.  Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.  He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull $#%* might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.  While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.  As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.  The dung was actually thawing him out!  He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.  A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who poops on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of poop is your friend..
(3) And when you're in deep poop, it's best to keep your mouth shut!


THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE.
I hope it made your day.

We Are the World 25

In essence, I LOVE IT!  Of course, we all know that I'm a sucker for people showing they care about others.  This is the ultimate.  I was in love with the first one too -- as well as Hands Across America.  But let's discuss some differences between the two versions of the Ritchie/Jackson hit.

RAP Break
Missing in the original which was made when rap was still in its infancy, the remix is littered with rappers.  Most impressive was the LL Cool J section.  The others are only worthy of mention for their participation in the project, not their musical rendition.

Youngsters
Stars who were only children, or still in cell stages, when the original song was produced are now included.  I have mixed emotions on that one.  I don't see the remix as an improvement, though it still nice.  But I would have liked to see one of the young producers -- Wyclef, P. Diddy -- pull together the new stars and crank out their own hit for this generation.  I'm not mad about the piggy-backing since no one can quite imitate Quincy Jones.

MJ
Sure the glittering glove, sparkling jacket and dazzling smile of Michael Jackson were infused digitally but the man himself wasn't a part of the project, for obvious reasons.  The remake is a great way to pay homage.

Reviews
The original wasn't well received and their is are mixed emotions regarding the remix.  Only time will tell.

We all have our favorite stars and those we'd have like to work on the project and folks seem to want to voice more negative than positive opinions.  I hope this one goes on the positive side.  I'm overjoyed to see artists give back and I like "feel good" music. Again, I LOVE IT!

Wanna read more about it?  Check out:
original -->http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/We_Are_the_World
remake -->http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1632097/20100217/bieber_justin.jhtml
Lyrics --> http://www.lyrics007.com/Michael%20Jackson%20Lyrics/We%20Are%20the%20World%20Lyrics.html

Teaism -- two lumps of courtesy please

It seems that lately everything related to the nation's capital is unsavory. Are we losing our distinct label of class and conservatism? Before I get too far away, let me clue you in on a situtation. Beware: you will be privy to as many details as I have and left to jump to your own, informed, conclusion.

Teaism is a "teahouse" in DC with several locations. I have nicknamed them the "Starbucks of Tea." It's a tea lover's dream store. You can purchase teas and snacks and ... sorry, I'm drooling on the keyboard. I can sum it up with -- I really like this place. Or, at least I did.

MeetUp is a website that helps you meet people so that you can get off the internet (novel idea for all those laptop potatoes out there). There are literally thousands of groups in every hobby/interest area imaginable and most regularly hold "meetups" (events) in and around the area. Depending on the group, some are outdoors or potluck, the location may vary. But for many groups including knitters and book clubs, they tend to choose quiet settings with good food and drink. Many have partnered with Teaism.

According to Teaism's website in the Events section, "We host meetings and gatherings for many groups: board meetings for volunteer groups, networking gatherings, training meetings, speed dating sessions, panel discussions for professional associations. If you have a group that needs a location for a gathering, or if you would like Teaism to cater your next special event, please call..."

I've always known them to be accomodating and extremely helpful whenever I've attended functions there or stopped in for a quick cup of "Jill" (my tea alternative to "joe" for coffee...ok, it's lame but so what).  Anywho...I was surprised, disturbed, dismayed and a host of other unhappy adjectives when I read the following email from the Co-owner of Teaism to a MeetUp group owner.

"I have nothing different to say than what I told you when you brought your group to Teaism for a three hour lunch.  Meet-ups have overwhelmed our restaurant.  We do not want Meet-ups or any groups visiting our restarant with the focus of meeting and not dining.  We are a restaurant.  I'm sure there are restaurants that are suffering and need your groups $100.  I'm sorry if you don't get it.  When you own your restaurant and are forced to make these decisions you may make them based on your sense of what good service is.  I am running a business and make business decisions.  And you can believe that I know how to do the math.  I appreciate that you have alerted the Meet-Up List to our dilemma.  It may reduce the pressure of my managers to micro-manage each and every group having "meetings" in my restaurant.  I can understand your indignation, but Teaism has been dealing with "Meet-Ups" for years now.  We are clear about how this all works."

After reading this, I was outraged.  Besides wanting to tear each sentence apart and make her severely eat her words, I also wanted to point out some very poor business habits that are surfacing early on in the life of her "restaurant."   Teaism has only been open since 1996, don't go thinking you're a DC staple just yet.  The only thing I really wish to address via this blog, besides her clear lack of customer service skills, is her lack of business-savvy.  You have not only put your feelings in writing but you've sent it electronically.  Does she not know her history -- the number of businessmen who have been brought down due to an email or memo?  Tsk, tsk, tsk...

What's next for Teaism?  What's next for MeetUp?  What's next for my blog?

Stay safe...until next time.

I'm Thankful!

Now that the holidays have begun, I've had some time to think back over the past year and realize my blessings. My motto for 2009 was Make It Happen and in many ways I did. I achieved many of the goals I'd placed on my list for the year and I'm thankful for that. I have noticed though, that I feel a bit unfulfilled. Let me elaborate: I volunteer at the Kennedy Center once a week and though I've met some very nice people, enjoyed some wonderful shows and been involved in some great events, I just don't feel I am "giving" enough. By popular opinion, most of the patrons pretty much have it "together."

Now I'm not looking to become Mother Teresa or Mahatma Ghandi or even MLK, but I would like to be of more assistance to those in need -- those who can better benefit from the varied skill-sets I possess. So, even though I have personal goals for 2010, my motto is simple -- Be An Inspiration. I'm not quite sure how I'll go about it but I will do my best to "let my light so shine..."

That said, one of my major goals for next year is to build my portfolio. Yeah, I'm thinking early retirement folks and with no offspring to scratch my back and feed me strained peas, I'll have to find a way to pay for such luxuries. So between CDs at my local bank and varied stocks and bonds, I'll be building a financial portfolio in the next 12 months. Beware: I'll be sharing the information with you. Feel free to send tips my way too -- unless you're Martha Stewart or that guy from Enron.

I've come a long way from where I was just a few short years ago -- mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually and financially.

To close, I want to share the following (thanks Stacy):

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us. (Albert Schweitzer)

Thanks to those who have challenged me to be better, kindly (or not so kindly) spoken the truth when staying silent would have been easier, and loved me unconditionally during my transformation.

May the best of your 2009 be the worst of your 2010.

Thanksgiving Food Giveaway

I heard about it...now, you're hearing it too.

Please feel free to pass this info to any and all you think may not only need the assistance, but those who may know others who do as well.

Thanksgiving Day

November 26, 2009

12pm-5pm

LePearl Ballroom

7929 Central Avenue

Capitol Heights, MD 20743

(301) 333-8500

Times are tough for many, but don't let that spoil your "Thanksgiving" joy. Bring the entire family and joion us for a "Free" Thanksgiving Dinner. Don't stress over buying food or cooking it! Come and eat some delicious food prepared by professional chefs, while you mix and mingle with others, meet new friends and make some priceless memories. This event is open to all and is free. Only requirement is that you make a reservation by calling
Valencia Davis @ (301) 917-5391 or Barbara (202) 210-6147.

Please pass this information on to churches, senior homes, nursing homes, community organizations and people in the neighborhoods. This event is for all MD, DC & VA.

Hip Hop Education and Sistas United are also Co-Sponsors of this event so if you have nay questions, you can call us as well.
Sabrina Wiggins @ HHE (240) 460-2571 or Wessita McKinley @ SU (240) 423-0958.

It's a Shame

Riding METRO becomes more and more frustrating each time I board. This morning being the latest episode in frustration. Let me spell it out for you -- I'll change some information to protect...um, who exactly am I protecting...oh well, I'll just change some information.

I boarded a RED line train this morning headed towards Grosvenor. I was instantly accosted by Unruly Child. She was in the doorway playing. I tried to go around this wee bit of insurgence to no avail. Finally, I said "excuse me sweetie" and proceeded to brush past her -- trying to bump her head into the pole -- to an empty seat. Mother Ignorant watched this entire episode while yakking loudly into her cell phone (who the heck are you talking to so early in the morning!!!!) and repeatedly screaming at Unruly to have a seat somewhere. Somewhere? Huh?

I proceed to an empty seat only to have my private space infiltrated by the elbow of Home Office Man. He was sprawled across two seats with his legs crossed and several pages of the paper opened as he read (or looked at the pictures) of one full page spread. Really? I didn't know you could be quite so discourteous in public. Whatever happened to "treat others as I'd like to be treated"? Is it Courtesy lying next to Chivalry in the graveyard?

But that's not it. The clincher was Apathetic Driver Boy. He seemed to drone out the name of the line and stops as if he had a million other things on his mind and a wish to be anywhere else. Can't say that I blamed him since, at that moment, I totally agreed. The pinnacle of his apathy was shown when he made an announcement, between chews, regarding the next stop. You have got to be kidding me!!!

All of this to get to work -- where they plot to harass me for 7.50 hours. All I can say is this -- watch out evening commuters. It's definitely ON!

In Memoriam

It has been ten years since I lost my Big Ma. I've learned to live with her in my spirit, to keep her words in my heart and allow her teachings to touch my life. While I miss her deeply, I am sometimes glad she has slept through some of the most tragic events our generation has seen -- such as 9/11 and the demolition of the Twin Towers, pirates, snipers and more -- as well as some of our more celebratory events including the election and Inauguration of President Barack Obama.

Of course, there are more personal/private events that she was not a part of including births, deaths, marriages, divorces, illnesses...times when I would have loved to hear her words of comfort and know that she understood and offered support. Those are the times when I miss her most, no matter what I remember her saying to others in similar situations, it's not the same as hearing her say it directly to me in the present. In short, I miss my Big Ma.

I'm sure this sounds selfish and that there are others who miss her too but I needed to remember her in my own way. For those of you who have a Big Mama, cherish her while you can. For those of you who no longer have her with you physically, hold your memories near and dear.

Until next time...