The Little Things

I recently called my mother and heard "little people" in the background, only to find that she was in the company of my 3 year old nephew and 2 year old niece.  Of course, I needed to speak with them and my mother handed my nephew the phone. He immediately said, "Hello, I'm Thomas.  What's your name?"  I was stunned into silence, a huge grin spread across my face and tears welled in my eyes as I thought "wow he's so grown up."  I introduced myself but he informed me that he couldn't hear me and I should turn my phone up louder.  The phone was passed to my niece who, regardless of who could hear and who could not, proceeded to talk my ear off in a fusion of real and nonsense words.  Those brief conversations made my day.

Until I checked my online dating inbox.  I was inundated with tons of "hi beautiful" and "WYD" and "call me (insert phone number here)."  Not one -- NOT A SINGLE ONE -- took the time to introduce himself.  My 3 year old nephew already understands the importance of it.  What has changed for men of 40+ years?

Yes, I've heard the sob stories and grievances about the sites -- you never know if someone is "real," it's hard to get responses, you can't get to know someone online, I don't get on this site often, I'm better at face to face interactions -- but I maintain that the ability to communicate transcends media.  I'm capable of relating to people via phone, text, Skype, email, and of course face-to-face.  And I'm no superwoman.

I do realize their are levels to any "-ship" (friendship, partnership, relationship), but each begins somewhere.  If you sign into a website or download an app, create a profile, upload a pic (some of which need to be deleted, but that's another blog), then take the time to have a bit of introductory discussion on the site. [Note: I don't have to say that this is my opinion since this is my blog and it should be "understood" that anything said here is my opinion.]

So, what's a girl to do?  Well, the adult males seem to have lost their way. While I wait for them to find themselves, I'll talk to the kids.

Something New

I found one of those cool websites that list all the sights you should see in a particular city and this one had a book store on it.  I had to ask myself "did you make this list" because it seemed a bit too nerdy for the typical sights and sounds of cities.  You know, they usually include sports venues, eateries, some music-related places and bars.  Well, what do you know but I actually found the ONE list in probably the ENTIRE world that put a bookstore on it.  So, the book junkie in me got excited and planned a trip.

And boy was it worth it!!

While I thoroughly enjoy the new age sterility of Barnes and Noble -- it's clearly defined sections, neatly arranged shelving, spacious aisles with cozy reading nooks, ambient tones and don't forget the snacks and drinks offered in the cafe -- the organized chaos of a small bookstore is euphoric, to put it nicely.  Just imagine an enlarged knapsack stuffed with great finds and placed in the middle of an otherwise normal downtown city block.  It's called Reeds and there is so much more than meets the eye in this quaint little bookstore.

Don't expect a cup of coffee or a tofu muffin or the latest in electronic gadgetry. Instead, dream of walking into some distant friend's distant relative's basement and it's overflowing with items from the past 100 years or more. And there to guide you through it all is Santa Claus.  Well, he kinda looked like Santa to me since I felt like it was Christmas and all.  Jim Reed himself does kinda resemble St. Nick in a circa 2015 way.  From LIFE magazines to keychains, everything you can think of -- and some you can't -- is inside There were records and 45's; there are dress patterns; there are pictures of...I'm not quite sure who those people were;  there are posters -- from movies, of movies, of movie stars, of other celebrities; and of course, there are books.  I felt I was in Dr. Seuss' world:

There are books in crannies and books in nooks, wordy books, picture books, small, medium and over-sized books, everywhere one does or does not look there are

books, books, books!  

To say I was overwhelmed is an understatement of epic proportions.  But I will return -- on a day when I have no other obligations and a snack nearby, several dollars stashed and in jeans and sneakers.  And now, for the pictures (because I'm out of words).

Street View

Store Windows

One Aisle and 45s

Patterns

Cliff Notes

Happy New Year

At the turn of another year, I take the time to reflect on what I have gleaned from my experiences during the Earth’s latest rotation around the sun.

Family Comes First
My circle has not been broken, but for the grace of God.  We've had expansions and close-calls, twists and bends and a it probably looks more like a balloon animal from the circus but it's unbroken.

Friendship Redefines
No matter the place, the time or the situation, friends are consistent.  I'm still learning to be a better friend, from my friends.   New Friends Rock An open mind is the most attractive quality in a new friend.  Glad to say I've found a few...and some were already there.  

Moving (out of state) is Challenging
It's also fun and different and annoying and frustrating.  But most of all, it's given me new struggles and challenges and triumphs and smiles.

Managing Money
No matter how much, or how little, you have, it can definitely be done.  Goals can be achieved, To-Do's can be checked off, and you can save a few dollars for a rainy day.  It may not get you all the way to Oz (lol), but you can purchase a pretty umbrella and sing in the rain.

Reflection Is Therapeutic
I remember those who've transitioned, recalling smiles and laughs and sometimes shedding tears.  I'm grateful that I have the disposition God has given me because I don't feel anything has been left unsaid.  

During this next year, I have goals (see the 101 list lol) and plans and aspirations.  You'll hear about most of them -- that's one of my goals too -- and I'm sure I'll add others as I learn new things.  Don't be mistaken, this past year hasn't been the smoothest I've ever had, but I was taught that in order to appreciate the sunshine you've got to endure some rain. I do enjoy being 40 and love round numbers so I'll be 40 a little while longer.  I'm smiling as I jiggle into this new year.

Sharing - The Worst (And Most Common) Etiquette Mistakes

I found this online and decided to share this with my readers.
Posted Mon, Mar 02, 2009, 10:53 am PST

I have added my comments (in parentheses and italics and color) and can add a few more to the list.
How about you?

1. Party Poopers When you receive an invitation to a dinner or party--whether by Evite, voicemail, or casual email--RESPOND. Yeah, that’s what that little “RSVP” thing means. Everyone knows it, yet it’s amazing how many don’t respond. Even for weddings! Planning a party or event requires a lot of work, so do the host a simple favor and let them know if you're coming or not.  (And more importantly, let them know if your plans changed.  You're not coming, no matter what the reason, should be shared.  You can keep the reason to yourself -- so much more understanding than lying.)


2. Nickel & Dimin’ How annoying is it when you go to dinner with four or more people, the check finally arrives, and one of your meal companions begins to divvy up the check down to the last penny? Sure, we get that Sally had a shrimp salad, and Janet had two iced teas, while Beth only had water, and you ordered a slice of peach pie (a la mode, which is extra). The point is, if you go out to dinner with a group, be prepared to split the bill more or less evenly. If there's an outstanding cost differential, fine, estimate it and be done with it. The person who spends twenty minutes dividing the bill to the dime comes off as a cheapskate –- and kills the festive mood. (I agree to an extent.  You know you were drinking like a lush at $8-10 per drink and I had a regular entree.  We WILL NOT divide what amounts to your bar tab between the two of us.  Think again.  However, if the tab has .48 on the end, I'm willing to round up.  Also, factor in the tip.  Yep, just do it.)


3. The Line-Up Lines are a fact of life. At the post office, the supermarket, just about everywhere these days. For starters, moaners who huff and gripe about standing in a line of three people for all of five minutes are tops on our list. Get over yourself -- if you don’t have a few minutes to wait to buy that loaf of bread, then pick it up another time. Another thing: Don’t show your impatience by creeping up so close to the person in front of you that they can feel your breath. Crowding those around you will not get you to the front any faster, so give them some space. Finally, cutting in line or trying to ignore the fact that there IS a line –- stop it! Everyone’s time is valuable. 


4. The ME Show It’s great to hear all the crazy, wacky, wonderful things happening in the lives of others. Jobs, engagements, breakups, boyfriends, puppies, pregnancies, vacations — very good stuff, all of it. But once you've listened to a friend, family member, or colleague spout about their own fabulous life for an hour (or two), it’s normal to expect them to ask, “So, what’s going on with you?” Those who blab on about themselves while you listen intently, then don’t ask a thing about you in return are just plain rude. (Especially when they hit you with the "I'm gonna call you right back" line.)


5. Baby Biz Changing a poopy baby diaper around others is nasty -- and we're moms. Changing the other kind of baby diaper in public is one thing, but still should only be done when absolutely necessary!  (Before you start in defensively on this one, think about this...why do they act the way they do as they get older - because you've shown them it's ok.  Yep.)


6. Mobile Madness As much as we love the modern age, there are days when we long to go to a coffee shop, movie theatre, bookstore, or post office and not hear some teen queen dishing to her friend about last night's hot date with Todd or eavesdrop (unwillingly) on a screaming family feud. Mobile phones are essential, but please, people, pleeeeeeease, use a little restraint on the when's, what's, and where's. We're happy that Todd is "totally built" but we're going to have to start walking around town and slapping people with "TMI" tickets (yes, too much information).  (*waving my church fan* -- throw in music too...everyone doesn't want to listen to whatever you're streaming; kinda why they make earphones.)


7. Smokes Everyone has a right to smoke in public, but be conscious of whose face your smoke is blowing into. Are there kids nearby? And we just might kick the butt of the next person we see throwing their burning butt on the ground without putting it out. Really, find an ashtray or trashcan where you can extinguish and dispose of it properly -- that thing is garbage, not decoration for our streets and sidewalks.


8. The Pee & Flee Public bathrooms get used by everyone -- yup, they're public! So, making a mess of the toilet seat, and then prancing out without bothering to wipe it up -- not cool. Leaving a mess for the next visitor is completely unacceptable (and disgustingly unsanitary, of course). Take 10 seconds to rip off a piece of toilet paper, toilet seat cover, or a paper towel, and do your due diligence! (And just who is the woman who poops and leaves it.  Sure many bathrooms now have the auto flush gadget but seriously why not wait and make sure you don't leave a surprise for the next guest. Just unladylike.  I wonder if you're the same woman who never washes her hands before leaving.  Never going to her house for tea.)


9. Stealing...a parking spot, that is. Yeah, you know who you are. If someone has their blinker on and is patiently waiting for a spot, it's theirs. And if you've already passed a spot up, it's gone. Treat others as you expect to be treated, and the parking goddesses will smile down upon you... eventually.  (I don't steal them and I don't wait for them either.  So I refrain from commenting on this one.)


10. Belly Baring Men, women -- anyone who's passed puberty, everyone who isn't lounging poolside or oceanside -- resist the urge to bare those bellies. They may be beautiful, Buddha-like, jolly, but sometimes they can be flabby, hairy, and not ripe for public consumption. If you're jogging, fellas, t-shirts or tanks won't hurt your workout, so throw one on. Gals, midriff fashions are never really on our "Do" list, and that goes double if your age doesn't contain the word "teen." There are plenty of ways for all of us to flaunt what we got without sharing our tum-tums with the world.  (Hairy navels with belly rings are the reasons to bleach my eyeballs.)


11. Spitting This gets especially yucky when it's one of those enormous globs that looks like it could be alive. Some people (males, in particular) think it's kind of a cool-guy thing to do. We're here to tell ya that no one wants to see you hock a big gooey one out of your car, onto the sidewalk, or anywhere else for that matter. Try a tissue. (*two thumbs up*)


12. Honking Problem People who honk too often, too unnecessarily, or just to express their emotions are on our list of Most Etiquette Challenged. If you're trying to warn someone about a collision or problem, fine, otherwise it's not that serious. Give it a rest! (*applause*)

What's So Important?

In the past year, give or take a few months, I've relocated to another country -- oh, I'm still in the US, sorry -- job hunted, job found, part time job hunted and found, online chatted with potential dates, made new co-worker friends and started a new list of goals.  I've also begun volunteering to stomp out literacy in the richest country in the world and found a new church and even church groups.  I've learned that being homesick and lonely and alone during the holidays is more palpable than I've ever imagined.  I've learned that I can pray, no like really pray, for other people.  And I've learned that my sister and I have quite a few things in common.

Self-reflection occurred during much of this time and while prioritizing all the things I needed or wanted to do -- learn my way around the city, find interesting and entertaining yet inexpensive things to do in my spare time, find a sweet way to answer the constant inquisition about a husband and kids, decorate our place - I often wondered what I was doing with my life.  I mean, seriously, the whole meaning of life - is there anything more than the everyday mundane hellos and goodbyes, the births and the deaths and the bills and taxes in between?  Am I supposed to be someone, to do something, to go somewhere?  I ran the gamut from education to businesses.  Is this the time to add letters behind my name or simply a business card?  What is most important?

I filled up journal after journal with my experiences and feelings and hopes and dreams until I realized what I'd known all along.  Writing.  It's my first love.  It's how I get my angry's out.  It's how I share my happy's too. I've known all along what was most important and now it's time to simply do it.  So, time out for trying to fit it all in and then write.  Life happens and I write about it.  it's just that important.

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Enough is Enough

Rape threats in response to video

I read this article and the premise is disgusting.  I'll admit I haven't watched the video.  No need.  A Facebook friend posted it and several women ripped a man apart for sharing his opinion -- an opinion that I agree with.

He felt that a man speaking to and/or flirting with a woman is harmless but some of the words and actions were uncalled for. With that sentiment, I agree.  Many women on the post did not.  They felt that it's harassing to be constantly disturbed when walking down the street.  He responded that it's human nature to be bothered by things, that in no way changes them nor makes others wrong for doing them.  With this sentiment, I also agree.  The women did not.  They dismissed him saying that of course he wouldn't understand, he's not a woman.  I had/have a problem with this. I chose not to chime in on Facebook but I'm going to let loose here.  Your comments are welcome.

I have dealt with "flirting" in public.  Some of the catcalls are over the top and the "smile pretty girl" gets so old.  I mean seriously, I may have something on my mind.  But I realize that it's par for the course.  It's a part of life.  It doesn't make it more meaningful because some dude feels he can make my day by saying something asinine but I don't hold it against the entire male species and I don't feel my very pride has been assaulted.  But we all have different perceptions.

I'm totally fine with those women disagreeing with his point of view, be it from personal or perceived experiences.  What I'm not ok with, and this is not just in reference to this topic, is the dismissal of his opinion because of {insert difference here}.  I'm so sick and so tired of people thinking you "don't understand" said situation simply because you "don't have kids," "haven't lost a sibling," "aren't mixed race," or whatever.  It's lame.  Instead of lashing out because someone has a different perspective, maybe we should accept the support of that friend.  It just seems like a better idea to me.

And another thing...
We're constantly griping about men who don't/won't/can't step up and make their intentions known.  I, for one, shake my head every time I hear a dude say he doesn't make a move until he knows for sure the woman is interested in him.  Sounds lame to my ears but since we've degraded our men so much, I guess this is what we have to expect.  We are also the same ones who gripe about not having a man to speak up and/or stand up for us when something goes wrong.

Back to the video,..
As a result of the posting of the video, rape threats were posted in the comments.  First, there is no privacy on the internet.  This move was just not smart.  Second, now the small amount of attention the video had received (5m viewers) has spiraled out of control so you can bet authorities will be involved soon.  I don't think this means a law against speaking to women in public places should be passed; that's ludicrous.  However, men should be respectful enough to know when they've crossed the line.  Hint: posting a rape threat online is definitely crossing the line.

I'm not friends with the gentleman discussed here, but I may just extend a friend request.  Let me watch the video first and get an idea for an intro.  Just kidding.