Apparently, You’re Not A Parent

Disclaimer: I do NOT have children. If you believe a person has to be a parent in order to “understand,” you are not only wrong but also will gain nothing by reading this post. 

I was bothered by the news of the little boy who fell into the gorilla cage.  I was saddened by the news of the child snatched by the alligator.  In both cases my initial question was where were the parents?  It’s a very natural reaction since, for most animals, the parents care for and protect the children.

The outcry in the media following the initial incident resulted in the vilification of the parents.  It was painful to watch.  Ironically, the second set of parents received an outpouring of sympathy.   My initial thought was because of the death of the second boy.  Others feel it’s racially motivated.  Time has taught us that as minorities we are viewed and handled differently, even by the media in disastrous situations.  It’s a fact of American life, so I took it with a grain of salt. 

That is, until the articles about “parent shaming” began to surface.  The frustration and outrage began to build when I read about the differences between the attacks .  But my blood began to boil when I read the open letter. 

Who decided it was wrong to question parents when a child has been abused or harmed? Or is it only a problem when the child dies?  No, that can’t be right.  Have you seen the questioning a parent goes through when their child dies of SIDS? We didn’t feel bad about questioning Susan Smith or JonBenet Ramsey’s parents (just to name a few).

Again, it’s human nature to ask questions, to seek understanding, when something tragic happens.  Even as adults, people often point to our childhood and our parents when we do something questionable.  What makes today’s hot topic parents any different?

The one article suggested that we support the grieving parents.  Sure we can do that. We grieved along with the parents of Sandy Hook and Virginia Tech.  My heart goes out to these parents as well.  I can’t begin to assume to know the pain of losing a child, but I can acknowledge the depth of such a loss and therefore grieve alongside them.  That does not negate, in any way, their lack of caution in this incident.   

I don’t believe that every parent intentionally sends their children into harm’s way.  But there are those who turn a blind eye, then want to cry victim when something happens.  You’ve been at the mall, and seen the child who climbs on things and pulls on things, and you  hope and pray nothing bad happens to him.  Meanwhile his parent is texting or shopping and ignoring his shenanigans.  But when something happens we want to blame corporations and even God forbid, onlookers for what we didn’t do.

Yes I do understand that things happen in the blink of an eye.  More reason for the “village.”  Yes, even without children, I can and do watch out for little ones around me.   Lord knows I don’t wish any harm upon anyone’s offspring.  We must be held accountable.  It takes all of us to look out for our children.  I was upset with the onlookers at the zoo for capturing the moment on your phone instead of finding a way to help.

Time out for placing responsibility in the back seat.  We let the government assume their medical and schooling expenses, blame teachers if they don’t learn and blame doctors if they don’t get better.  We blame television and social media if they are angry or socially inept or even “bullied.” Enough is enough. 

We live in a culture where the media can sway how we should and shouldn’t feel, for many of us.  What’s reported and the light it’s reported in can sometimes cause the reaction necessary.  All too often we don’t take the time to consider the facts for ourselves because we’re too busy getting caught up in sound bites and bits and pieces of stories.  We don’t do our homework prior to sounding off about the issue of the day.  That is what needs to stop.  Holding parents accountable for the actions they do or do not take when it comes to the safety of their children is a wonderful and necessary practice.  And I for one will not be shamed into not doing it.

One article mentioned Adam Walsh and Baby Jessica.  Instances where parents were doing the right thing and tragedy struck.  Maybe if we re-institute accountability in our homes and everyday lives, we won’t have such insecure children who feel that mass murder will make them whole.  But that’s fodder for another post.

I still prefer not to think of this in light of race but moreso in light of life and death.  Death seems to trump all accountability when we sympathize, or empathize, with the victims.  We seem much more capable of pity when the child loses their life than we do when they are alive and well.  Hopefully, we can get past that and save more young lives.  Cynical me doesn’t think this will happen soon though.  I expect more of these incidents to make the news soon.  I guess leaving kids in hot cars is passé.