MidLife...Crisis or Nah?

MidLife

I'm coming into my 45th year and have been doing some deep reflecting. Am I the woman I think I am? Have I achieved the goals I've set for myself? And if I haven't, is there time? I mean, my To Be Read list is 1700 books long! What can I do about that?! Should I set new goals and will they be achievable? I mean, I can still climb Mt. Everest but I'd have to get in shape first, purchase the proper gear, probably hire a professional. What is really on my bucket list? Sure, I've crossed off zip-lining and horseback riding, but I've still got skydiving and viewing the Pyramids. And I keep adding to it...as if the next 45 years won't be a blur.

This period of life is usually marked with dissatisfaction in areas such as relationship, career, and/or health. Whether the origin is psychological or biological, obsession and excess are manifested through drinking, depression, nostalgia and can spur transition often displayed as the need to reinvent or redefine. Both the real world and the internet have assistance at the ready during this season. Check out Halftime, Wander Woman, Signs of a Midlife Transformation and Midlife.

Historically, midlife crises are seen as an exclusively male phenomenon summed up by buying a sports car, having an affair or changing his fashion style/hair. Well, I'm no man (not by any stretch of the imagination) but I'm single (no affair necessary), my car is almost paid off (why start a new note unnecessarily) and fashion...well, my ratchet-thot days are behind me and changing my hair is not unusual.

Women panic about health issues during this time period. Realizing potential and discovering their greatness, midlife for women becomes more of a quest for identity. I googled "black women mid life crisis" and even Google Images were white. What does that really mean? I'm sure the entire contingency of "I need role models that look like me" can sound off for the next millennium about this but I choose to revel in it. I can be an example of what it looks like to...wait, am I having a crisis?

Crisis

By very definition, a crisis is a condition of instability or danger, a dramatic emotion or circumstantial upheaval in a person's life or a stage in a sequence of events that sets the trend for future events, good or bad. Hmmm...let's do some more digging.

Elliott Jacques coined the phrase "midlife crisis" in 1965. As a psychoanalyst, he felt women's midlife issues were brought on by menopause and felt that the stereotypes about men were coined by women. Instead, he was curious to know about the relationship with creative genius. Interesting huh? Tell me more.   According to him, many great artists and thinkers don’t survive this time period. “I had the impression,” explains Jacques, “that the age of 37 seemed to figure prominently in the death of individuals in this category.” Using a sample of 310 including Mozart, Raphael, Chopin, Rimbaud, Purcell, and Baudelaire, he discovered a considerable number transitioned between 35 and 39. “The closer one keeps to genius in the sample,” Jacques observes, “the more striking and clear-cut is this spiking of the death rate in midlife.”  Wait... I need to un-know this.

*Seeing as I've passed those ages, I’m curious to know what else Jacques says. And who labeled me a genius?*

Genius has three directions in midlife -- death (literally or metaphorically), full creative potential, or a dramatically sculptured creativity that is markedly different from earlier works and he cites Dante, Shakespeare and others as examples of this. This “catchall diagnosis” began to stick in the late ‘70s - what a coincidence – when Daniel Levinson, author of The Seasons of a Man’s Life, described it as a time when middle-class, middle-aged men were…no longer young and yet not quite old,” and included the “unavoidable comparison between his youthful dreams and his sobering present reality.”  What about the rest of us? And how doomsday-ish is that???

Complacency - one way to resolve this conflict - offers a mental buffer against anxieties tied to unrealizable dreams, according to Levinson. Very little proof exists to tie alcoholism, depression and suicide increases to this life stage, so we can release the myth. (Jacques article )

What's in a Name?

• DelRica - literally means of the rich. No really, it does. And here I am among the 99%; At times, I feel I'm masquerading as if my true self knows I should be in a penthouse suite on a cruise to nowhere or having some sunbaked cabana boy bring me endless umbrella topped drinks. But alas, I enjoy working and networking with the masses. I love interacting with my peers. I do believe that it's lonely at the top, but I think I'll visit before it's all over. So, there will be no changing of MY name. That said, I'm not feeling the phrase MidLife Crisis.
• Catharsis is the purging of emotions, or relieving of emotional tensions, so as to result in permanent relief of the condition. It doesn’t get too much more positive than that. That said, I’m having a catharsis. Yes, yes. It will end with me finding out more about myself, setting more finite and obtainable goals, and achieving a modicum of complacency. Ok, scratch that last one. We all know better.
• Typical Actions - Will I buy a new sporty car and race around town? Probably not. Even though a drive on the Autobahn is on my ever-growing list. Will I get a new, young beau and explore the cougar life? Nah. Not really my thing. Will I cut and color my hair, change my style of dress and post selfies incessantly on Social Media sites? Double nah. Will I seek out a new job or career path? Again...I've done this several times already. Not to say it can't happen again - which means the jury is still out on this one.

Ultimately, I will review my goals and dreams and attempt to pare down to the ones that will make me happiest and help others and make me money and...well, I'll keep you posted. I agree with Jacques when he said that “Whether a midlife transition will develop into serious depression or into an opportunity for growth depends on a number of factors, including support from partners and other loved ones.” Therefore, I will enjoy the black version of Eat, Pray, Love. Yeah, the one that doesn't involve a journey to another country and love in another culture and all the Hollywood violins and meadows. Nope, this version involves family, food and support. Let there be CRABS!!!!!